The True Art of Letting Go: A Practical Guide to Releasing Inner Blocks for Lasting Happiness

By Hemanta Sundaray

PostedJune 24, 2025

There’s a knot in your stomach. A conversation replaying on a loop in your mind. The lingering sting of a past event you just can’t shake. We all know the feeling. We are told to “just let it go,” as if it were as simple as dropping a stone. But it isn't. If it were, we would have done it already.

The real questions are the ones we rarely ask out loud. Why is letting go so hard? And what if the secret wasn’t about fighting the world, but about finding peace within it?

The answers lie in a radical shift of perspective. Guided by the profound wisdom of Michael Singer, author of the modern spiritual classic The Untethered Soul, we can explore a path that doesn't just manage the symptoms of holding on but heals the root cause. This is a practical guide to the true art of letting go.

The Happiness Trap: Why Controlling the World Doesn't Work

Most of us operate on a simple, unspoken contract with life: “I will be happy if I get what I want and avoid what I don’t want.” It sounds perfectly logical. Getting the promotion, finding the perfect partner, having a smooth commute—these things bring a rush of satisfaction. Avoiding conflict, illness, and failure brings relief. So we dedicate our lives to arranging the world outside to match the blueprint of our desires.

But this is a losing game. As Michael Singer explains, this strategy of conditional happiness is fundamentally flawed for two reasons.

First, you are not in control. You are, as he puts it, "a tiny planet spinning around in the middle of outer space." You don't control the weather, the economy, or the driver in front of you. Life is a vast, interconnected system of cause and effect, and the moments unfolding before you are not designed to cater to your preferences. To base your happiness on controlling the uncontrollable is to set yourself up for a lifetime of frustration and anxiety.

Second, even when you do get what you want, it’s a fleeting victory. Psychologists and economists call it the law of diminishing returns; Singer calls it life. The new car becomes just a car. The thrill of a new relationship settles into routine. The thing you thought would make you happy forever simply becomes the new normal, and your mind immediately creates a new list of "wants." The chase never ends.

The Real Reason You Can't Let Go: Uncovering Your Inner Blockages

If controlling the outside world is a flawed strategy, where do we turn? We turn inward. And here we find the game-changing insight at the heart of letting go. As Singer so powerfully states:

Read that again. The traffic isn't the problem; your inner resistance to the traffic is the problem. The critical comment isn't the source of your pain; the way that comment triggers something stored inside you is the source.

What is this "stuff" inside? Singer calls them blockages or samskaras: imprints of past, unresolved experiences. Every time you had an experience that was uncomfortable, painful, or traumatic and you couldn't handle it, you resisted it. You pushed the energy of that experience down, storing it deep within your psyche. Think of it like emotional scar tissue.

Over time, you build a vast collection of these stored blockages. And this is the "aha" moment: your personal preferences—the long list of what you want and don’t want—are not who you are. They are a sophisticated defense mechanism designed to navigate life without ever touching these sore spots. You want a partner who is predictable because a past partner was chaotic. You hate being ignored because it triggers a deep childhood wound. You can't let go of the past because you never fully processed it in the first place; you simply stored it.

A Practical Guide: The 3 Steps to Truly Letting Go

Letting go, then, is not about forgetting the past or pretending you don't care. It is the active, conscious process of releasing these stored inner blockages so they no longer run your life. So, how do we begin?

Step 1: Start with the "low-hanging fruit"

You don’t start by tackling your deepest trauma. You start where the stakes are low. You practice. Singer calls this working with the "low-hanging fruit": the minor, daily annoyances. The weather is too hot. The person in front of you is driving too slow. Someone at work says something you think you might not like.

In these moments, you have a choice. You can do what you've always done: get annoyed, complain, and build up more inner disturbance. Or you can see it for what it is: a perfect opportunity to practice. An opportunity to do something different.

Step 2: Notice the shift & relax

This is the central technique. When one of these moments happens, your only job is to notice the inner reaction. Feel that familiar clench of frustration? That jolt of anxiety? That's the signal. An old blockage has been triggered, and the stored energy is coming up.

Your instinct will be to fight it, suppress it, or get lost in analyzing it. The practice of letting go is to do the opposite. You relax. You release. Instead of leaning forward into the disturbance, you consciously lean back from it, creating space. You are the consciousness that is aware of the anger, not the anger itself. From that seat of awareness, you simply relax and allow the feeling to be there without resisting it. It’s the difference between boxing, where you meet force with force, and Judo, where you use the incoming energy to let it pass by.

Step 3: Let the energy transmute

What happens when you stop resisting? The magic. The energy that came up as a disturbance, when met with relaxed acceptance, can finally complete its journey and release. It purges from your system. This is the transmutation of energy. It's how you heal.

Each time you successfully relax through a small disturbance, you get stronger. You are cleansing your inner world, one small moment at a time. The more you release, the more inner space you create. This is the path to freedom. The great poet Rumi understood this perfectly:

You are not creating joy; you are removing the barriers you have built against the joy that is your natural state.

Frequently Asked Questions About Letting Go

The idea of letting go can feel counterintuitive, and it's natural for practical doubts to surface as you begin. Let's address some of the most common questions that arise on this journey.

Q: If I let go of my preferences, will I lose my motivation?

No. You will trade a motivation based on lack and fear for a motivation based on joy and passion. When you are whole and complete within yourself, you don't act in the world to get something to make you okay. You act in the world to give from a place of fullness. Your work becomes an act of creation, not desperation. Your relationships become an expression of love, not a search for validation.

Q: How can I apply this to deep pain, like letting go of someone I love?

This practice is not about becoming a robot devoid of human feeling. A broken heart is not a sign of spiritual failure; it's a sign of love. As Singer suggests, a heart in pain is simply "playing a tune that's in harmony with the situation." The key is to honor that pain. Welcome its right to be there. Feel it fully without being afraid of it. When you stop resisting the feeling of loss, you allow it to move through you cleanly, as a tribute to the love you shared, rather than storing it as a blockage that will cause you suffering for years.

Q: What if I keep getting knocked off my game and fall back into old habits?

Welcome to the human experience. Your life is your friend, your teacher, your guru. Every time you get pulled into a disturbance, it is simply life showing you where you still have work to do. Don't judge yourself. Don't think you've failed. If you're learning to play the piano, you don't quit because you hit a wrong note. You just correct your fingers and play it again. Treat yourself with that same kindness. The goal is not perfection; it is practice. Just come back to center as soon as you can.

Your Life as a Journey of Release

True, lasting happiness is not something you acquire; it is something you uncover. It is the unconditional joy that is already flowing inside you, all the time. The art of letting go is the sacred work of removing the inner blockages that obstruct that flow.

This journey doesn't require a retreat to a monastery. It happens right here, in the middle of your messy, beautiful, and unpredictable life. The practice starts now. The very next time you feel that familiar inner disturbance, no matter how small, you have an opportunity.

Will you resist it, or will you relax and let it go?