Mel Robbins' Let Them Theory: Stop Letting Others Run Your Life
Ever hesitate to start a new hobby because you’re scared of your friends’ snarky comments? Or maybe you’re stuck in a job you hate, paralyzed by what your family might think if you quit. Perhaps you stay quiet at work, dreading coworkers’ reactions to your ideas.
Most of us let others’ opinions, actions, or judgments run our lives. We waste time and energy obsessing over what people think, say, or do. What's worse? We actually believe we can control them. Reality check: we can’t. We never could. Fighting this truth fuels anxiety, frustration, and fear, stealing mental space we could use to chase our goals. It’s exhausting, and it holds us back from our true potential.
What if you could break free from this toxic cycle and focus on what you can control?
Enter Mel Robbins' Let Them Theory.
What is the Let Them Theory?
The Let Them Theory is simple: you can't control others' actions, thoughts, or feelings. Period. Instead of fighting this truth, you let people be who they are and do what they do. This shift reduces stress, quiets anxiety, and lets you focus on your own goals.
Here's how it works in real life. Let's say your colleague or your boss shoots down your idea at work. Normally, that sting of rejection would tank your mood for the rest of the day, dragging your productivity down with it. You'd replay their words, question your worth, and let frustration fester.
But here's where "Let Them" comes in. You say it to yourself—Let them dismiss my idea—until that sting fades. They're not rejecting you—just your idea. By letting go, you shield yourself from the emotional fallout and stay focused on your tasks, moving forward with a clear head. You take back control, keeping your energy for what truly drives you.
Let Them is just the first half of the equation
While "Let Them" gives you a powerful tool to ditch what you can't control, Mel Robbins warns it's not the whole fix. What's the missing piece? An equally critical second half: "Let Me."
Here's the problem with stopping at "Let Them." Remember our workplace example? Your boss shoots down your idea, and you say "Let them dismiss my idea" until the sting fades. You feel better, right? The emotional grip loosens. But then what?
If you just shrug it off and do nothing else, you might start pulling back. Maybe you stop sharing ideas altogether. You sit quietly in meetings, thinking "Why bother?" You might even start resenting your boss or feeling bitter about work. Over time, this creates distance—between you and your goals, you and your colleagues, you and the career you actually want.
Mel Robbins calls this the trap of "Let Them" without action. You dodge the immediate pain, sure, but you also sideline your growth. You're not moving forward, you're just... existing.
That's where "Let Me" comes in. It's the spark that turns letting go into real power.
Going back to our example: Your boss shoots down your idea. You say "Let Them dismiss my idea." But then you add "Let Me". Let me refine this idea. Let me present it differently next time. Let me schedule a one-on-one to understand their concerns. Let me focus on building credibility through my other work.
"Let Me" puts you back in the driver's seat. You're not waiting for approval or sulking about rejection. You're asking, "What's my next move?" and then making it happen.
The science behind the Let Them Theory
Ever wonder why the Let Them Theory actually works? It's not just feel-good advice. It's backed by some serious wisdom. We're talking ancient philosophies like Stoicism and Buddhism, plus modern psychology. These aren't new ideas. They're timeless principles that show how letting go of what you can't control leads to real peace and power.
Let's start with Stoicism. Those ancient Greeks and Romans had it figured out: true happiness comes from focusing only on what you can control. Your thoughts, actions, and reactions. Everything else? Not your problem. When you worry about what others think or try to change their behavior, you're just creating stress for yourself. Sound familiar? When you say "Let Them," you're practicing Stoic acceptance. You're letting go of others' judgments to find your inner calm and stay true to yourself.
Buddhism tells us something similar. Suffering comes from fighting reality, wishing things were different than they are. Your colleagues are gossiping about you? You're upset because you're fighting the fact that people have their own opinions and actions. Here's the thing: you can't control that. This resistance creates emotional pain. The Let Them Theory breaks this cycle. You say "Let Them gossip" and accept that others will act according to their nature. Simple shift, massive relief.
Then there's Radical Acceptance from Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It's about fully embracing reality as it is, even when it sucks. You don't have to like it—you just have to acknowledge it. This stops the emotional fight and lets you move forward. Someone disapproves of your choices? Accept it. Stop battling their opinion. The "Let Them" part does exactly this. It frees up all that energy you were wasting so you can focus on your own goals.
The Let Them Theory isn't reinventing the wheel. It's taking these proven principles and making them practical for everyday life. Let go of what you can't control, take charge of what you can.
Try "Let Them" today
Next time someone's words or actions rattle you, hit pause. Ask yourself: Can I control this? If the answer is no, say "Let Them" as many times as you need until their grip on you loosens. Then comes the crucial part: say "Let Me" and take action. Call a friend, go for a run, or write down your thoughts. Whatever moves you forward.
This isn't just a feel-good exercise. It's a habit that breaks the worry cycle and puts you back in control. No more letting others hijack your headspace or derail your day.
You've got the tools now. Start small, but start today. Your peace of mind is worth it.