Has Modern Society Set Women Up For Failure? - Louise Perry

Here are the top 10 key takeaways from Chris Williamson's conversation with social commentator Louise Perry, exploring how modern societal structures impact relationships, fertility, and gender dynamics.

1. The challenges of fertility decline and modern demographics

Declining birth rates across Western societies stem primarily from a "coordination problem" - people marrying later, which reduces their reproductive window. This isn't simply about feminism or housing costs.

Women seek men who demonstrate reliability as providers during vulnerable periods like pregnancy. Today's young men have fewer opportunities to demonstrate these qualities through traditional means like property ownership or military service. This mismatch creates delayed marriages and contributes significantly to falling birth rates.

2. Challenges of high-achieving women finding partners

Educated, professionally successful women often struggle in the dating market. As women climb the socioeconomic ladder, they generally don't reduce their preference for men above them - they actually increase their standards proportionally.

This creates a mathematical problem where high-achieving women seek even higher-achieving men from an increasingly smaller pool. Perry uses an analogy: finding a partner early is like buying furniture for an empty house (flexible), while finding one later is like selecting the perfect lamp for an already meticulously designed home (extremely difficult).

3. The social costs of OnlyFans and sex work

The documentaries featuring OnlyFans creators Lily Phillips and Bonnie Blue reveal significant long-term social costs exchanged for short-term financial gain. The stigma permanently affects marriage prospects, creating what Perry calls a situation where "OnlyFans is to the marriage market as a criminal record is to the jobs market."

Despite substantial earnings, most creators don't accumulate lasting wealth. Income often gets spent on luxury purchases attempting to justify the psychological toll. Many creators develop self-derogatory beliefs about their capabilities outside sex work, limiting their perceived options for different careers or life paths.

4. The biological basis of gender differences in children

Perry's experience raising two boys highlights biological differences between male and female children. Typical boy behavior often conflicts with modern educational settings that reward sitting still and focused attention.

Her sons' natural energy levels differ markedly from female children of similar ages. This mismatch between typical male development and classroom expectations contributes to higher ADHD diagnosis rates among boys. Rather than pathologizing normal male behavior, Perry suggests today's educational environment simply isn't designed for typical male behavioral patterns.

5. The challenges of creating intentional communities

Attempts to create "intentional communities" as alternatives to isolated nuclear family living frequently fail despite resources and commitment. Williamson shares a story about Austin friends who tried forming a community for shared child-rearing but couldn't overcome coordination difficulties.

These efforts often collapse because chosen communities lack the binding force of genetic relationships. Traditional multi-generational households worked partially because family members had evolutionary incentives to cooperate and couldn't easily exit. Modern intentional communities require explicit communication systems and conflict resolution protocols to compensate for these missing natural bonds.

6. The role of neuroticism in parenting decisions

Women typically score higher than men on neuroticism (tendency toward worry and anxiety), which historically served protective functions in motherhood by helping anticipate dangers to children.

In modern contexts, neuroticism might actually reduce fertility. People with this trait might overthink potential problems, worry excessively about climate change, or feel overwhelmed by parenting responsibilities. Meanwhile, those with relaxed temperaments often approach having children with a "we'll figure it out" attitude, potentially leading to larger families and suggesting evolutionary selection against neuroticism.

7. The memetic nature of parenting desires

The desire to become a parent spreads through social influence. Williamson's roommate experienced a profound connection when holding his newborn relative, triggering thoughts about parenthood that weren't present before.

As family sizes shrink and people delay childbearing, these influential moments become rarer. With fewer parents in social circles, non-parents lack models demonstrating parenting rewards. This creates a self-reinforcing cycle: smaller families lead to fewer parenting role models, which leads to even smaller families in the next generation.

8. The evolutionary selection for fertility

Current demographic trends represent a temporary "bottleneck" rather than permanent decline. Groups maintaining higher fertility rates (like the Amish and Orthodox Jews) will naturally comprise larger percentages of future populations through simple mathematics.

Personality traits, cultural practices, and genes favorable to having children are being naturally selected. After a difficult transition period (potentially including challenges to democracy and the welfare state), human societies will eventually stabilize with more fertility-friendly characteristics through evolutionary mechanisms.

9. The false promises of "sex-positive" feminism

"Sex-positive" feminist narratives often frame sex work as empowering while minimizing long-term consequences. These perspectives prioritize short-term gains and fail to acknowledge the psychological impact of commodifying intimacy.

Many women in sex work demonstrate patterns similar to those in abusive relationships, including rationalization of harm and diminished self-worth. Perry distinguishes between observable metrics of success (money, attention) and hidden metrics (psychological wellbeing, relationship prospects), critiquing modern narratives that emphasize individual choice while downplaying structural consequences.

10. The tension between modern medical advances and demographic sustainability

A surprising concern about declining birth rates involves the potential loss of medical technology. The demographic groups currently maintaining high fertility (like the Amish) may not prioritize or be capable of preserving advanced medical infrastructure.

Perry values modern medical interventions that saved her life and her child's during childbirth. This creates tension between celebrating fertility-maintaining groups while worrying whether future societies dominated by these groups will preserve the medical advances making childbirth safer. This represents an overlooked aspect of demographic transitions beyond economic concerns.