Life Lessons From A Modern Cowboy - Dry Creek Dewayne

PostedApril 3, 2025

Here are the top 10 key takeaways from Dwayne Noll's conversation with Chris Williamson on the Modern Wisdom podcast, offering profound wisdom on relationships, personal growth, and finding meaning in a chaotic world.

1. Communication is our biggest weakness

Humans struggle with communication in profound ways. Dwayne explains this through his experience with horses. With horses, there's an immediate communication barrier - horses don't speak English and humans don't speak "horse." Horses communicate through body language and movement rather than words.

This extends to human relationships too. Dwayne mentions that even after 34 years of marriage, there are still instances where his wife completely misunderstands what he says. Good communication requires stepping into another's world and learning to think how they think. This applies to relationships between men and women, parents and children, and in any meaningful human connection.

2. Horses as mirrors of ourselves

Horses reflect our internal emotional states back to us. Dwayne learned that any problem he had with a horse was actually a reflection of a problem within himself. Horses, as prey animals, are highly sensitive to human emotions and will match our energy level and emotional state.

This mirroring effect creates a unique opportunity for self-awareness. If you approach a horse while agitated or angry, the horse will respond with similar energy. This forced Dwayne to learn to calm himself before working with horses. Sometimes he would sit outside a horse's pen for hours until he was in the right emotional state. The horse becomes an external barometer for our internal condition.

3. Finding balance in life

Dwayne strongly advocates for balance in all aspects of life. He compares raising children to holding wet soap - squeeze too tight and it squirts out, hold too loosely and it slides away. This principle applies to marriage, parenting, and personal development.

He criticizes the "hustle culture" that pushes men to constantly work without pause for reflection. Dwayne believes young men need permission to sit, think, and process life. Balance means working hard when necessary but also taking time to read poetry, enjoy a cigar, or simply be still. The pendulum should swing in the middle, not too far in either direction.

4. The importance of fatherhood

Dwayne believes the breakdown of strong fatherhood has caused significant societal problems. He describes a cascade effect: as goes the man, so goes the marriage; as goes the marriage, so goes the family; as goes the family, so goes the church; as goes the church, so goes the country.

Fathers must be willing to be "the bad guy" when necessary, setting boundaries and making unpopular decisions for the long-term wellbeing of their families. Dwayne practiced this with his own daughters, not allowing them to date until they were older and carefully screening potential suitors. This protective approach wasn't about controlling his daughters but ensuring they would eventually marry men of good character.

5. A good man is born to serve

The purpose of a man's life, according to Dwayne, is service rather than self-enrichment. Making money primarily benefits oneself, while service benefits others. A good man provides for those in his sphere, protects, encourages, teaches, and sometimes steps back to allow natural consequences.

Dwayne tries to leave every situation a little better than he found it. This can be as simple as genuinely asking a tired cashier how her day is going. The measure of a life well-lived is whether the world is better because you passed through it. A good man can protect, provide, serve, comfort, reprimand, and discipline as needed to improve the lives of those around him.

6. The futility of anger

Anger provides no benefit and solves no problems. For years, Dwayne struggled with a bad temper that damaged his relationships with his wife and children. He eventually realized that anger was causing him to make poor decisions and was "eating him up inside."

Even in potentially violent situations, like when Dwayne worked in law enforcement, anger causes you to lose focus and strategy. Dwayne had to learn to control his temper through self-reflection, changing his environment, and removing negative influences. He stopped watching the news, limited time with certain people, and spent more time in quiet contemplation, which helped him regain perspective.

7. Men carry silent burdens

Most men carry tremendous internal burdens that they don't express. Dwayne wishes more women understood that there's "10,000 times more going on inside the head of a man" than they realize. Men often don't know how to express these feelings and fear being called weak or foolish if they try.

Interestingly, Dwayne doesn't believe most men need therapy to address these burdens. Rather, they need recognition and gratitude from those they're carrying the burdens for. Men don't necessarily need to "talk it out" - they need appreciation for the struggles they endure, often on behalf of others.

8. Your word is your bond

One of the most important lessons Dwayne taught his children was absolute honesty. In his household, lying about a transgression resulted in double the punishment of the original offense. He believes a man's most valuable resource is his good name - without it, he has nothing.

Dwayne's father was his primary role model in this area. Despite not always agreeing with his father on everything, Dwayne never met a more honest man. This legacy of integrity was something he worked to pass down to his own children. Speaking truth, even to your own detriment, is a foundational principle of character.

9. Living within your means

When asked how he supported seven children on a modest income, Dwayne's answer was simple: "We say no." He rejected the consumer culture that pushes people to buy what they don't need with money they don't have. His family lived frugally, driving inexpensive cars, living in modest homes, and prioritizing needs over wants.

Dwayne points out the irony that truly wealthy people often live modestly and drive ordinary vehicles. The pursuit of status symbols often prevents people from building real wealth. He suggests starting at the end - observing what truly successful, wise older people do with their resources - and implementing those principles early.

10. Making good days out of what you have

When asked about his ideal day, Dwayne couldn't give a specific answer because he believes good days aren't about external circumstances. The quality of his days is "internalized" rather than dependent on particular activities or experiences. He can make a good day out of whatever situation he finds himself in.

Dwayne described a recent day that included coffee, visiting a cigar lounge, conversations about poetry, and dinner with a friend. The day wasn't remarkable for what he accomplished, but it was "a really, really good day" because of his attitude. This represents a mature perspective that doesn't require perfect circumstances to find contentment.