Why Modern Women Feel More Lost Than Ever - Freya India

Here are the top 10 key takeaways from Chris Williamson's conversation with Freya India about why modern women feel more lost than ever.

1. Therapy culture has replaced religion

Therapy culture has become a modern substitute for religion, especially among young women. Instead of praying, they repeat positive affirmations; instead of seeking salvation, they go on healing journeys; instead of resisting temptation, they reframe intrusive thoughts. This therapeutic worldview offers the comfort of religion without its inconvenient demands or restrictions.

For the first time in history, young women are less religious than young men. The decline in religious participation has left a void that therapy culture fills. This shift is concerning because studies show teenagers without religion tend to have poorer mental health outcomes compared to their religious peers, especially those from conservative backgrounds.

2. Constant pathologizing of normal emotions

Modern therapy culture encourages young people to pathologize ordinary emotional experiences. Normal feelings like hurt, disappointment, or anxiety are now framed as medical issues requiring diagnosis and treatment. The language of trauma, attachment styles, and disorders has replaced the vocabulary of ordinary human emotions.

According to the podcast, about 32% of all 12-17 year olds in America received therapy, medication, or some kind of treatment in 2023 alone. This statistic reveals how widespread mental health intervention has become. Beyond formal therapy, young women are constantly immersed in therapy language through social media, where posts about attachment styles, trauma, and "red flags" create an environment where they're never able to switch off from this therapeutic mindset.

3. Rumination encouraged by social media algorithms

Social media platforms function as rumination machines that reinforce overthinking, especially harmful for young women who tend to naturally ruminate more. Platforms like TikTok actively feed users more content about disorders and problems once they engage with similar content, creating a cycle of self-diagnosis and obsession.

Co-rumination—dwelling on problems together with friends—is particularly detrimental to mental health. Online forums and social media become spaces where young women analyze their problems together, often making anxiety worse rather than better. The most risk-averse, neurotic, and anxious women get the most traction online, which distorts what appears normal.

4. Self-focus confused with self-development

Many young women mistake self-obsession for self-development. While they believe they're doing productive self-reflection by analyzing their attachment styles and thinking about their trauma, this excessive self-focus often blocks genuine growth. The constant analysis provides endless excuses for behavior without fostering actual change.

Jordan Peterson is quoted in the transcript saying there's no difference between self-obsession and mental illness—both involve focusing too much on yourself. This self-focus creates a trap where people think they're "doing the work" on themselves but aren't developing as better people. It becomes a placeholder activity that feels productive while preventing genuine progress.

5. Dependency portrayed as weakness

Modern culture portrays any form of dependency as weakness, particularly for young women. The message is that the worst thing you can be is "needy" and the worst situation is to end up with someone you need. This creates a contradiction with human nature, as healthy relationships involve mutual dependency.

Research shows that couples who are more dependent on each other actually become more independent in their lives. This "dependency paradox" demonstrates that having a secure relationship provides the foundation to explore the world confidently. Without such security, young people become risk-averse and less resilient because they lack something to fall back on.

6. Family breakdown creates abandonment issues

The breakdown of family structures has left many young people with profound abandonment issues. With over half of UK children not living with both parents by age 14, many lack a sense of belonging at home. This disconnection extends to communities, as neighborhood connections have weakened and religious participation has declined.

These abandonment feelings manifest as hypersensitivity to criticism, low self-esteem, and poor body image—characteristics often associated with Gen Z. Without stable family foundations, young people feel constantly alone and seek connection online. The therapeutic language and communities become substitutes for real relationships and guidance that should come from parents and extended family.

7. Relationships commodified through social media

Social media has transformed how young people view relationships, with some describing them as "brand collaborations" between two personal brands. The discussion mentioned practices like "soft launching" a boyfriend on Instagram, where relationships are carefully presented to audiences rather than simply lived.

The "boyfriends of Instagram" phenomenon exemplifies this commodification, with men photographing their girlfriends in staged poses for social media. What's concerning is how normalized this has become, with many young women unable to conceive of simply experiencing life without documenting it. For some, the photos and social proof become more important than the relationship itself.

8. Absence of adult guidance

Parents and other adults have largely stepped back from providing moral guidance to young people. This retreat stems from a cultural suspicion of authority and fear of being seen as controlling or old-fashioned. Instead of offering clear direction, adults often tell young people "you know best," leaving them adrift.

The resulting guidance vacuum leads young women to seek advice from online "experts" about relationships and life decisions. Without adults who know them intimately and can offer personalized guidance, they turn to algorithmic content that often exaggerates for engagement. This is particularly problematic because online advice lacks the context and nuance that comes from someone who truly knows you.

9. Confusion between self-preservation and empowerment

What passes for empowerment in modern culture is often actually self-pity and isolation in disguise. While there's rhetoric about women "walking away from disrespect," many young women get caught in analyzing toxic relationships rather than simply leaving them. The therapeutic language becomes a barrier to clear action.

The overcorrection against dependency creates a situation where young women think they need perfect control over their mental health before committing to relationships. This mindset leads many to postpone or avoid meaningful connections. The endless analysis creates an illusion of empowerment while actually preventing growth and authentic relationships.

10. "Protection" now viewed as patronizing

The cultural push for equality has inadvertently eliminated healthy forms of protection. In rejecting patriarchal control, society has also lost positive forms of authority and guardianship. This has left young women vulnerable while simultaneously being told they don't need protection.

The podcast mentions concerning statistics about children's online safety: kids as young as nine becoming addicted to pornography and teenagers using fake IDs to post explicit content. Parents are often overprotective regarding physical dangers but underprotective with online risks. The feminist message that girls are vulnerable has been misinterpreted to mean they don't need protection, creating a dangerous situation where good authority figures have stepped back.