Brigid Delaney’s Life Changing Year of Living Like a Stoic
Here are the top 10 key takeaways from Ryan Holiday and Brigid Delaney's conversation about how Stoic philosophy provides practical wisdom for our modern challenges.
1. Stoicism as a practical philosophy for modern times
Brigid Delaney initially approached Stoicism skeptically but eventually embraced it as a practical philosophy for navigating life's challenges. After an unsuccessful first attempt that she wrote off as "boring," she gave it another chance privately with friends, forming a WhatsApp group to discuss Stoic principles. This second approach resonated with her deeply.
The conversation highlights how Stoicism provided a framework for people during challenging times like the pandemic lockdowns. When people felt they had little control over their circumstances, Stoic principles offered a way to accept reality while maintaining inner peace. Delaney's book on Stoicism gained popularity precisely because it addressed this universal need for a philosophical framework to handle difficult situations.
2. Controlling anger as a central Stoic teaching
Both speakers identify anger management as one of Stoicism's most valuable contributions to modern society. They discuss how contemporary culture seems to have an increasing problem with anger, evidenced by rising reports of domestic violence, road rage, and public confrontations with service workers.
Stoicism provides explicit techniques for handling anger and preventing reactive behavior. The philosophy teaches practitioners to recognize the impulse of anger arising from a feeling of injustice, then pause before reacting. This approach doesn't deny the validity of feeling injustice but focuses on responding constructively rather than destructively. As Delaney notes, "If there's one thing I want the world to take from Stoicism at the moment, it's just dealing with anger."
3. The journaling practice at the heart of Stoicism
The conversation reveals that journaling isn't just a supplementary practice but is essential to Stoicism itself. As Holiday states, "Stoicism is journaling. And journaling is Stoicism. They are the same thing." This writing practice serves as both reflection and active philosophical engagement.
Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations" exemplifies this practice—personal writings never intended for publication that became one of philosophy's most enduring works. The speakers discuss how journaling allows practitioners to track their progress over time, revealing recurring patterns in one's thoughts and behaviors. This self-awareness becomes the foundation for growth, as recognizing patterns is the first step toward resolving persistent problems.
4. The tension between personal practice and social justice
A significant challenge discussed is reconciling Stoicism's focus on personal control with the desire for social justice. The speakers wrestle with questions about when to accept what cannot be changed versus when to fight for systemic change. They acknowledge this creates tension within Stoic practice.
Delaney mentions conversations with younger people who question whether ancient philosophy applies to modern problems like climate change or conflicts viewed in real-time through social media. The resolution offered is that Stoicism doesn't preclude action but suggests approaching activism without destructive anger. As Holiday points out, virtually all prominent Stoics were politically active, suggesting the philosophy encourages engagement rather than withdrawal from societal issues.
5. The universality of Stoic principles
Despite misconceptions that Stoicism is exclusively for men or the elite, the conversation emphasizes its universal applicability. Delaney notes that when she first approached Stoicism, it "felt very remote, very masculine, very ancient," but she discovered it was actually a "philosophy of the street" accessible to people from all walks of life.
The speakers discuss how Stoic principles apply regardless of gender, age, parental status, or cultural background. They point out that the original Stoic teachers came from diverse backgrounds—Epictetus was a former slave, Seneca from Spain, and Zeno (described with a "swarthy complexion") from the Mediterranean. This diversity in the philosophy's origins underscores its universal nature and challenges the misconception that it's just for "old dead white guys."
6. Repetition and practice as essential to Stoic growth
Both speakers emphasize that Stoicism requires ongoing practice rather than intellectual understanding alone. Delaney compares it to religious traditions where regular rituals and repetition allow principles to "seep into you." This explains why Marcus Aurelius repeatedly addressed the same themes in his writings.
The repetitive nature of Stoic practice reflects the repetitive nature of human struggles. Holiday points out that his journaling covers the same problems repeatedly because "I have the same fucking problems." This normalization of repetition as part of growth rather than failure makes Stoicism particularly accessible. It acknowledges that philosophical development isn't linear but requires returning to core principles again and again as new challenges arise.
7. The balance between passion and control
The conversation dispels the misconception that Stoicism requires eliminating emotions or passions. Instead, it focuses on not being ruled by passions while still experiencing them fully. As Holiday notes, "There's a difference between not being ruled by the passions and not having them."
The speakers point out that the Stoic emphasis on controlling emotions actually indicates the philosophers themselves were passionate individuals. Marcus Aurelius wouldn't need to write about controlling anger if he never experienced it. Similarly, Seneca's powerful plays reflect deep emotional understanding. Stoicism provides a "governor on those feelings as opposed to a repression," allowing for full emotional experience while maintaining perspective and control over reactions.
8. The timelessness of human experience
Throughout the conversation, both speakers marvel at the continuity of human experience across millennia. They discuss how the ancient world featured many of the same professions and personal struggles we face today—lawyers, artists, poets, speech writers, and people recovering from business failures or seeking meaning after setbacks.
Marcus Aurelius writing during a plague offers particular resonance with recent pandemic experiences. His philosophical questions about character versus physical health during epidemics felt immediately relevant to readers in 2020. This continuity creates what the speakers call "the great conversation" across time, where ancient writings directly address modern concerns, creating a sense of companionship with philosophers separated by thousands of years.
9. The distinction between preference and desire
An important Stoic principle discussed is the idea of "preferred indifference"—the ability to pursue success, wealth, or recognition while remaining detached from outcomes. This approach allows for ambition without suffering when goals aren't achieved.
The speakers discuss how this applies to creative work—like writing books or creating television shows. Success is welcome but not necessary for fulfillment. As Delaney states, "The joy is in the doing." Holiday shares how this perspective protected him when his first book had modest initial sales—he was already focused on writing the next one. This principle helps navigate both disappointment and success without being emotionally derailed by either outcome.
10. Finding character development in a materialistic world
The conversation concludes with reflections on how Stoicism offers a countercultural focus on character development in a society primarily concerned with material success. Delaney observes that young people are particularly drawn to Stoicism because "they'd grown up without religion" and surrounded by materialistic messages, finding in Stoicism something "that just felt so true" without trying to sell them anything.
Both speakers lament the lack of character education in modern society outside specific institutions like the military or sports teams. They contrast the cultural celebration of material achievements—expensive homes, cars, and possessions—with the relative absence of conversations about developing personal virtue. Stoicism fills this gap by providing a framework for character development that doesn't require religious belief yet offers meaningful values beyond material success.