The Charisma Teacher: Psychology Of Why People Don't Like You! People Are Attracted To These Traits!
Here are the top 10 key takeaways from Charlie Hooper's conversation on The Diary of A CEO podcast that will transform how you connect with others and build authentic charisma in every interaction.
1. The "one more sentence" principle
The simplest way to build connections with others is by saying one more sentence than usual in everyday interactions. When you meet someone in an elevator or speak with an Uber driver, extend beyond the minimal required exchange. This small addition opens doors to genuine human connection.
This approach gradually expands your social circle as people begin to recognize you as someone who engages meaningfully. For example, instead of just asking "What floor?" in an elevator, add something like "Have you lived in this building long?" This tiny extension transforms strangers into neighbors and acquaintances into friends.
The power of this principle lies in its simplicity and accessibility. You don't need to dramatically change your personality or learn complex techniques. Just one more sentence creates momentum that naturally builds confidence and connection skills over time.
2. Prey versus predator movement
Body language significantly impacts how others perceive you, especially in first impressions. People who move like "prey" animals—with quick, jerky movements, darting eyes, and rapid gesticulations—appear anxious and lower status. Those who move like "predators"—with slow, deliberate movements—project confidence and higher status.
This dynamic creates a feedback loop. Moving slowly and deliberately signals to others that you feel safe in your environment. It also signals to your own body and brain that you're in control, further reinforcing genuine confidence. When you stop darting around nervously and adopt more measured movements, you literally embody higher status.
The concept extends beyond just movement speed. It includes your willingness to be seen looking at others, turning your whole body toward someone when speaking rather than just your eyes, and generally occupying space with confidence. These physical adjustments can rapidly shift both how others perceive you and how you feel about yourself.
3. The fun-trust-respect sequence
Effective first impressions follow a specific sequence: demonstrate you're fun, establish trust, and reveal something worthy of respect—all before expressing interest in the other person. This sequence transforms how your interest is received, making connection more likely.
For the "fun" element, respond to common questions like "How are you?" with genuine enthusiasm rather than the standard "fine." Say you're "fantastic" or "electric" instead of merely "good." For trust, maintain good eye contact and avoid over-qualifying yourself or name-dropping. For respect, reveal something about yourself that demonstrates value or competence.
When you follow this sequence and only then express interest in the other person, your attention becomes valuable rather than merely flattering. The difference is significant—many people show interest in others but fail to establish themselves as someone worth connecting with first, resulting in polite rejection rather than genuine connection.
4. Leaving conversational "hooks"
Create more meaningful conversations by embedding multiple potential topics in your responses to common questions. Instead of giving literal, minimal answers to questions like "Where are you from?" or "What do you do?", provide a response that contains several conversation directions the other person could explore.
For example, rather than simply saying "I'm from Philadelphia," you might say: "I grew up in Philadelphia, but never really fit in there. I traveled throughout my twenties, living in several places, but now I'm in LA because it's the right place for my business." This gives the other person multiple threads to pull on—your childhood, travels, or business.
This technique accomplishes two things. First, it increases the chances of finding common ground or mutual interests. Second, it gives control to the other person to steer the conversation toward what interests them most. By strategically embedding hooks related to topics you enjoy discussing, you create opportunities for deeper connection while escaping the trap of small talk.
5. The six charismatic mindsets
Charisma stems more from internal mindsets than external techniques. The six transformative mindsets are: "No matter what, I will be okay," "I care more about my character than my reputation," "I have impeccable honesty and integrity," "I don't need to convince anyone of anything," "I proactively share my purpose," and "I go first in humanizing the interaction."
These mindsets represent a profound shift from viewing charisma as manipulation to seeing it as authentic self-expression. For instance, the mindset "No matter what, I will be okay" reduces anxiety by removing the life-or-death stakes we often unconsciously attach to social interactions. This creates mental space to focus on connection rather than self-protection.
The most revolutionary mindset might be "I go first in humanizing the interaction." This means being the first to crack a joke in a stiff environment, offer vulnerability, or give a compliment. When you go first, you give others permission to be more human and authentic too, establishing yourself as a leader who shapes the emotional tone of environments.
6. The five charismatic types
People express charisma through five distinct styles: high conviction, authentic, funny, empathetic, and energetic. Understanding these types helps you recognize your natural strengths and develop a more well-rounded presence.
High conviction charisma comes from unwavering belief in yourself and your ideas—think Conor McGregor confidently declaring future success or Steve Jobs' certainty about changing the world. Authentic charisma builds trust through consistent honesty and transparency. Funny charisma uses humor to create enjoyable interactions. Empathetic charisma makes others feel deeply seen and understood. Energetic charisma brings enthusiasm and commitment to every situation.
While some types naturally complement each other, others can seem at odds—high conviction and empathetic charisma often develop in tension with each other. Few people embody all five types equally, but exceptional leaders like Barack Obama demonstrate multiple charismatic styles simultaneously, creating a powerful and versatile presence.
7. Flirting with the world
Bringing playfulness and non-literal responses to everyday interactions transforms your experience of life. Instead of giving automatic, literal responses to routine questions, introduce elements of playfulness, humor, and unpredictability.
For example, when someone in an elevator asks what floor you're going to, instead of just saying "third floor," you might playfully respond, "I don't live here, I'm just casing the joint for a robbery." This small moment of unexpected humor breaks patterns and creates genuine human connection in otherwise automated exchanges.
This approach requires a willingness to momentarily risk social awkwardness, but the rewards are substantial. It transforms mundane interactions into opportunities for joy and connection. People are starved for these authentic moments amid the scripts of daily life, and when you provide them, you become memorable and magnetic.
8. The power of silence
Effective communicators replace filler words ("um," "uh") with comfortable silence. Rather than rushing to fill conversational gaps, they use strategic pauses to create tension, emphasis, and attention.
Silence creates a vacuum that naturally draws focus. When speaking, find natural periods at the ends of thoughts instead of trailing off mid-sentence when interrupted. Complete your thoughts deliberately, which signals confidence and discourages others from speaking over you.
This technique applies particularly well in storytelling. After establishing a hook or creating suspense, a well-timed pause heightens anticipation and engagement. Though it feels uncomfortable at first, mastering comfortable silence dramatically improves communication impact and perceived confidence.
9. Standards beyond beauty
In romantic contexts, particularly for men pursuing women, having and communicating standards beyond physical appearance dramatically increases attraction. When you demonstrate that you value specific personality traits, behaviors, or qualities, you signal that your interest is in the whole person.
For example, explicitly appreciating someone's sense of humor, adventurousness, or kindness shows that you're responding to who they are, not just how they look. This makes your approval more meaningful and establishes you as someone who has the confidence to be selective.
This approach creates a healthier power dynamic. Rather than putting someone on a pedestal based solely on appearance, you're genuinely filtering for compatibility. People universally want to be appreciated for their unique qualities rather than generic attributes, and when you demonstrate this deeper level of attention, your romantic prospects fundamentally transform.
10. Going deep over convincing
Successful connection comes from creating invitations rather than trying to convince others. Whether in sales, romance, or friendship, focusing on revealing yourself authentically rather than persuading creates more sustainable relationships.
When you shift from trying to convince everyone to join your path to simply extending invitations to those who resonate with your vision, you attract people who genuinely align with you. This principle applies in business, where trying to convince everyone to buy your product is less effective than clearly communicating what you offer and letting the right customers find you.
This mindset relieves the pressure of needing specific individuals to like or accept you. Instead of forcing connections that require continuous effort to maintain, you create space for more natural, mutually energizing relationships. The paradox is that by releasing the need to convince everyone, you become more attractive to those who matter most.