Child Attachment Expert: Were Stressing Newborns & Its Causing ADHD! Hidden Dangers Of Daycare!

PostedMarch 3, 2025

Here are the top 10 key takeaways from Erica Komisar's discussion on "The Diary of A CEO" podcast about child development, attachment theory, and the modern parenting challenges that impact mental health.

1. Early attachment security forms the foundation for mental health

The first three years of a child's life are crucial for brain development, with 85% of the right brain developing during this period. When primary caregivers (typically mothers) are physically and emotionally present, they help babies develop attachment security. This creates the foundation for future mental health.

Children need sensitive, empathic nurturing to learn emotional regulation. When babies are distressed, mothers who respond by soothing them are actually teaching them how to regulate their emotions from moment to moment. This early attachment security enables children to develop resilience against stress and adversity later in life.

2. Mothers and fathers play different but equally important roles

According to Komisar, mothers and fathers serve different developmental functions for children due to biological differences in nurturing hormones. Mothers tend to be "sensitive empathic nurturers" who help regulate sadness, fear and distress. Fathers typically function as "playful tactile stimulators" who help regulate excitement and aggression.

These different roles aren't interchangeable because they're connected to biological differences. Mothers produce oxytocin that makes them vigilant to a baby's distress, while fathers produce vasopressin that attunes them to predatorial threats. Both parents are critical for healthy development, and children raised without one parent are missing an important developmental component.

3. The mental health crisis in children is linked to parenting approaches

Approximately one in five children will develop a serious mental illness before reaching adulthood. This includes anxiety, depression, ADHD, and behavioral problems. Komisar connects this mental health crisis to changes in parenting and caregiving priorities over recent decades.

Society has shifted toward self-centeredness and individualism, often placing career advancement and personal fulfillment above children's developmental needs. This shift has resulted in less physical and emotional presence for children during critical developmental periods. The increasing rates of mental illness in children were apparent to Komisar decades ago, before social media became a contributing factor.

4. Daycare in the early years can be harmful to brain development

Komisar challenges the common belief that daycare is beneficial for young children's socialization. Research indicates that institutional daycare raises salivary cortisol levels (stress hormones) in babies. Placing very young children in daycare for extended periods has been linked to increased aggression, behavioral problems, and attachment disorders.

Babies evolved to need the physical, skin-to-skin contact with their primary attachment figures. Being separated from the primary attachment figure and placed with strangers for long hours forces children to develop pathological defenses. According to Komisar, daycare should be considered the last resort among childcare options for the first three years.

5. ADHD is often a stress response rather than a disorder

Komisar views ADHD not as a disorder but as a response to stress. When children are under stress they cannot manage, they go into "fight or flight" mode. The fight response manifests as aggression, while the flight response appears as distraction and inability to focus.

This stress activates the amygdala, the brain's stress-regulating center, too early and too intensely. Ideally, this part of the brain should remain relatively quiet during the first three years. Early, chronic activation can cause the amygdala to become hyperactive and then eventually burn out, creating lifelong issues with stress regulation. Instead of medicating children, Komisar suggests identifying and addressing the sources of stress.

6. Attachment disorders develop when primary caregivers are absent

When primary caregivers are insufficiently present (physically or emotionally), children develop attachment disorders as coping strategies. The three unhealthy attachment patterns are: avoidant (turning away from caregivers), ambivalent (clinging desperately), and disorganized (cycling through multiple reactions including rage).

These early attachment patterns correlate with specific mental health issues in adulthood. Avoidant attachment is linked to depression and difficulty forming deep connections. Ambivalent attachment correlates with anxiety and suffocating relationships. Disorganized attachment, the most difficult to treat, is associated with borderline personality disorder and self-harming behaviors.

Technology raises dopamine levels in the brain, making it highly addictive, especially for young people. Research shows that technology raises dopamine in an adolescent's brain tenfold compared to adults. Since adolescents' prefrontal cortex (which regulates emotions) isn't fully developed until about age 25, they're particularly susceptible to technology addiction.

Social media is especially problematic for teenagers, particularly girls. It places them in a hypervigilant state of stress, fear, and self-consciousness by exploiting natural tendencies toward comparison and perfectionism. Komisar believes these platforms are deliberately designed to take advantage of adolescents' vulnerabilities, contributing significantly to anxiety and depression.

8. The decline in men's roles has created a crisis of purpose

Modern society has diminished traditional male roles, leading to a crisis of purpose and identity for many men. Historically, men derived self-esteem from providing for and protecting their families. As these roles have been devalued, many men feel purposeless and diminished, contributing to rising rates of depression and suicide.

There's a biological component to this crisis as well. When men take on primary nurturing roles, their testosterone levels drop significantly (by 30-35% according to studies). This hormonal change can lead to decreased sex drive, depression, and identity confusion. Komisar argues that this rapid social role reversal doesn't account for evolutionary biological realities that take generations to change.

9. Quality parenting requires presence, prioritization, and prevention

Komisar's parenting philosophy centers on "three P's": presence, prioritization, and prevention. Physical and emotional presence is crucial during critical brain development periods (ages 0-3 and 9-25). Prioritization means putting children's developmental needs above career advancement, material success, or personal desires.

Prevention focuses on establishing healthy foundations early rather than trying to fix problems later. Our current approach to mental health is like "cutting the grass" - managing symptoms with medication and short-term therapies rather than addressing root causes. Preventing mental health issues requires understanding how emotional regulation develops from the beginning and fostering resilience from a young age.

10. Society needs better policies to support healthy child development

America lacks the family support policies found in many other countries. The United States and Papua New Guinea are the only nations without paid parental leave. Komisar advocates for at least one year of paid leave followed by flexible work arrangements for the next two years.

Beyond policy changes, societal priorities need shifting toward valuing children's developmental needs. Educational systems should recognize gender differences in learning styles, with boys requiring more physical activity breaks than girls. Employers should offer flexible options for parents of young children, including part-time work, job sharing, and remote work opportunities. These changes would help parents prioritize their children's needs during critical developmental periods.