Masculinity Debate: Are Dating Apps Creating Incels?! Lonely Men Are More Dangerous Than Ever!

Here are the top 10 key takeaways from a fascinating discussion on "The Diary of A CEO" podcast that explores the crisis of modern masculinity, dating dynamics, and why so many young men are struggling in today's society.

1. Male role model absence creates significant problems

The absence of father figures in boys' lives has profound negative consequences. When a boy loses a male role model, he becomes much more likely to engage in criminal activity, face incarceration, and experience emotional difficulties. While girls show similar outcomes in single-parent homes regardless of parental gender, boys exhibit significantly more vulnerability when fathers are absent.

Statistics reveal a staggering increase in fatherless homes, with 25% of boys now living without a biological, step, or adoptive father. This represents a doubling since 1968, when only 11% of children lived with just their mother. The consequences are severe, as individuals from father-absent homes are 300% more likely to carry drugs, carry guns, and deal drugs.

2. Education systems favor female learning styles

Current educational environments are structured in ways that disadvantage boys. Schools reward behaviors like sitting still, being organized, raising hands, and being compliant - traits that tend to align more with typical female behavior patterns. The absence of wood, auto, and metal shop classes has eliminated traditional paths to middle-class employment for boys who don't pursue college degrees.

The statistics support this disadvantage, with 70% of valedictorians being female and women more likely to be in the top 10% of their class. Additionally, boys are twice as likely to be suspended for the same infractions as girls, and five times more likely if they're Black boys. This bias in education contributes to boys falling behind academically and developing negative attitudes toward learning.

3. Young women now outearning young men

A significant economic shift has occurred where young women are now outearning young men in many urban areas. Women in cities like New York and DC under 30 are making more money than their male counterparts, with some statistics showing boys aged 16-24 making 10% less in full-time employment than women.

This economic reversal creates relationship complications. Research shows that when women in relationships start making more money than their male partners, those relationships become twice as likely to end in divorce. The traditional expectation that men will be providers is still prevalent, with 75% of women considering economic viability hugely important in a mate, while only 25% of men consider it important in a female partner.

4. Dating apps create winner-take-all dynamics

Dating applications have created market conditions where a small percentage of men receive most of the attention from women. On apps like Tinder, a man of average attractiveness may need to swipe right 200 times to get one coffee date, with four out of five of those dates potentially ghosting him. These mechanics reinforce a system where women compete for the same small pool of men.

This digital transformation of dating has been beneficial for attractive, wealthy men but detrimental for average men and slightly worse for women overall. The dynamics have created a situation where top-tier men can engage in what was described as "Porsche polygamy," enjoying abundant dating opportunities with little incentive to commit to long-term relationships.

5. Many men are opting out of society

There's a concerning trend of young men withdrawing from productive society. In the UK, one in seven young men is classified as NEET (Not in Education, Employment, or Training). They're disconnecting from traditional paths of social integration and instead finding community in online spaces that may reinforce negative attitudes.

This withdrawal is partly due to feeling rejected by the dating market and society at large. Without the guard rails of romantic relationships or social integration, these men often turn to video games, Reddit forums, and pornography. The speakers expressed concern that society is evolving "a new species of asexual, asocial male" who feels unwanted and unnecessary.

6. Emotional intelligence is the new relationship currency

As women have gained economic independence, the relationship dynamics have shifted. Women no longer need men solely as providers, so they're seeking partners who offer emotional support and intelligence. However, many men weren't raised to develop these emotional skills, creating a disconnect in expectations.

This creates a paradox where women ask men to be more emotionally available, but men don't know how to fulfill this request. Additionally, when men do show vulnerability, they sometimes face negative reactions. As one participant put it, "Women are in graduate school when it comes to emotional conversations and guys are in third grade." This skills gap makes it difficult for men to meet the new relationship standards.

7. Both genders feel misunderstood and powerless

Research revealed that both men and women believe the other gender holds more power in relationships. When asked who has more relationship power, 46% of men said women have more power, while 46% of women said men have more power. Only 42% felt power was equal between genders.

This mutual feeling of powerlessness creates friction in dating dynamics. Women feel they must do more "masculine things" while men are expected to do more "feminine things," causing confusion and resentment. Political polarization compounds this, with women now averaging 30% more liberal than men, creating additional barriers to understanding between genders.

8. Technology is replacing human connection

The rise of technology is providing alternatives to real human relationships. Dating apps, pornography, and emerging AI companions are creating substitutes for actual human connection. The discussion mentioned ads for AI companions promising "your perfect AI boyfriend, always there for you" without the messiness of real relationships.

These technologies remove the incentive to develop crucial social skills required for real relationships. The speakers expressed concern that with emotional needs met by AI and sexual needs met by pornography or future sex robots, many people (particularly men) might opt out of pursuing real relationships entirely. This trend could have severe implications for birth rates and social cohesion.

9. Economic viability remains crucial for male identity

Despite societal changes, economic success remains fundamentally tied to male identity and attractiveness. The discussion revealed that while emotional availability is valued, a man's place in society and his dating prospects are still heavily determined by his financial prospects and resources.

Men internalize this connection between economic success and value, even when their partners don't explicitly demand it. As one speaker noted, "In a capitalist society, the healthcare of your children, the opportunities your children have, your ability to provide... is so tightly correlated to money." While this shouldn't be the only measure of male worth, it remains a powerful social reality.

10. Men's groups offer promising support structures

One proposed solution to help men develop emotional skills and support networks is the formation of men's groups. These structured gatherings allow men to discuss personal challenges, hold each other accountable, and practice emotional communication in a safe environment with peers.

These groups can provide "a masculine space to actually go through what's going on" and serve as a "council of trusted peers." As traditional male gathering spaces have diminished, these intentional communities fill a vital gap. Unlike therapy, which can be expensive and difficult to access, men's groups offer a grassroots approach to developing emotional intelligence and building supportive networks.