Orgasm Queen: Do This For 20 Minutes Before Having Sex & Your Sex Will Feel Brand New!

Here are the top 10 key takeaways from Dr. Susan Bratton's discussion on "The Diary of A CEO" podcast that could transform your understanding of intimate relationships and sexual wellness.

1. Female arousal requires time and patience

Women's arousal systems differ significantly from men's. While men can become aroused and ready for intercourse within minutes, women typically need 15-30 minutes of foreplay and stimulation to achieve full arousal. This difference stems from the physiological makeup of female erectile tissue, which takes longer to engorge with blood than male erectile tissue.

The female body has the same amount of erectile tissue as the male body, but it's distributed differently. Women need about 20 minutes for their "clitoral erection" to fully develop, allowing them to experience maximum pleasure during intercourse. This biological difference explains why rushing into intercourse often leaves women feeling unsatisfied and disconnected.

2. Communication is essential for sexual satisfaction

Open and honest communication forms the foundation of a fulfilling sex life. Many couples struggle because they avoid discussing their desires, frustrations, and needs. The "Sexual Soulmate Pact" technique involves creating an agreement where partners can express anything they want without the other person taking it as criticism.

This communication framework allows couples to discover each other's needs without judgment. When partners feel safe to express desires, they're more likely to explore new experiences together. Establishing this communication pattern helps overcome awkwardness that can build up around sex, especially when frequency has declined or when partners want to try new things.

3. There are over 20 types of orgasms available to explore

Most people are unaware that humans can experience over 20 different types of orgasms. These include various location-based orgasms (clitoral, vaginal, anal, nipple, throat) and technique-based experiences like female ejaculation. Both men and women have access to this variety, though most people only experience one or two types in their lifetime.

Beyond the standard "one and done" orgasm, there are extended orgasms that stretch the sensation over time. The "queen of orgasms" is the expanded orgasm, where waves of pleasure continue building for 10-30 minutes or longer. These experiences require specific techniques and a willing partner who understands how to build and maintain arousal properly.

4. Sexual education is lacking in most relationships

Most couples operate with very limited knowledge about pleasure, anatomy, and sexual techniques. This lack of education leads to frustration, disconnection, and eventually avoidance. Without proper understanding of how bodies work, many women believe they're "broken" when they can't achieve orgasm from intercourse alone.

Seeking out educational resources and workshops can dramatically improve a couple's sex life. Learning about pleasure anatomy, communication techniques, and various forms of stimulation creates a foundation for ongoing sexual discovery. This knowledge helps break through harmful myths and misconceptions that keep people trapped in unsatisfying sexual patterns.

5. Sex is more than just intercourse

One of the most limiting beliefs about sexuality is that "real sex" means penis-in-vagina intercourse, with everything else relegated to "foreplay." This intercourse-focused mindset comes from religious and cultural repression that prioritizes procreation over pleasure. Expanding the definition of sex to include all forms of intimate pleasure creates more opportunities for connection.

Sex encompasses everything from passionate kissing and sensual massage to oral pleasuring, manual stimulation, and using toys together. When couples broaden their definition of sex, they remove pressure and create more opportunities for pleasure. This expanded view also helps during times when intercourse might be difficult due to health issues, stress, or other factors.

6. Relationship revival requires small steps

When couples find themselves in a sexual rut, trying to immediately return to passionate lovemaking often creates pressure that worsens the situation. Starting with small, low-pressure reconnection points allows couples to rebuild intimacy gradually. Simple acts like holding each other, giving massages, or sharing appreciative words create safety without performance demands.

Making small offers to connect physically—without the expectation of intercourse—helps rebuild trust and desire. These "erotic play dates" focus on exploration and pleasure rather than achieving specific outcomes. This approach works particularly well during life stages when children, work, and stress make finding time and energy for intimacy challenging.

7. Desire requires both safety and novelty

Sexual desire thrives in relationships that balance safety with novelty—a concept compared to keeping a flame alive. Too much routine and predictability (too little oxygen) causes desire to suffocate, while too much distance or uncertainty (too much oxygen) can extinguish it completely. Finding the sweet spot between these extremes keeps passion alive long-term.

Novelty can be introduced through new experiences, toys, locations, or techniques. The "sex life bucket list" approach involves partners identifying experiences they'd like to try together, categorizing them as definite interests, maybes, or not-right-now options. This creates a roadmap for exploration that respects both partners' boundaries while preventing stagnation.

8. Trauma healing is possible and essential

Many people carry sexual trauma that impacts their ability to fully engage in intimate relationships. This trauma may come from direct abuse, cultural repression, or negative messaging about sexuality. Working through this trauma involves both emotional processing and physical reconnection with pleasure.

Healing approaches might include therapy, somatic release, and gradual exploration of pleasure in safe settings. The process requires patience, as partners learn to stay present during intimacy rather than dissociating. For many couples, addressing underlying trauma creates the foundation for a renewed sexual connection and deeper intimacy.

9. Yoni massage as a pathway to pleasure

Yoni massage (massage of the female genitalia) offers a powerful technique for increasing female pleasure and connection. This approach treats the female genitals with reverence rather than just as objects for penetration. Regular yoni massage helps activate tissue, increase blood flow, and create new neural pathways for pleasure.

Using appropriate oils and taking time to explore without rushing toward penetration allows women to experience fuller arousal. When partners understand techniques for properly massaging the external structures (labia, clitoral hood) as well as internal areas (g-spot, anterior wall), women often discover new pleasure possibilities. This practice helps couples shift from goal-oriented sex to pleasure-focused experiences.

10. Sexual development continues throughout life

Sexuality is not static but evolves throughout different life stages. In their 20s, most people are experimenting and learning basics. The 30s often involve navigating the challenges of maintaining connection while raising children. By the 40s, many people recognize the importance of prioritizing their sexuality before it disappears entirely.

The 50s and beyond can actually be times of sexual renaissance when partners have more time, self-knowledge, and comfort with communication. This perspective challenges the common belief that sex inevitably declines with age. With proper education, communication, and physical self-care, sexual pleasure can continue improving throughout the lifespan, creating deeper intimacy in long-term relationships.