#1 BODY LANGUAGE EXPERT: The SECRET to Attracting Anyone INSTANTLY

Here are the top 10 key takeaways from Vanessa Van Edwards' masterclass on charisma, attraction, and social dynamics from her appearance on Jay Shetty's podcast that could transform how you connect with others.

1. Signal amplification bias in attraction

People often think they're being obvious with their flirtation signals, but research shows the opposite is true. Vanessa explains that in a study of singles mingling, it took women approximately 29 signals within 10 minutes to get approached by men. This reveals a significant gap between how obvious we think our interest signals are versus how they're actually perceived.

This phenomenon, called signal amplification bias, shows that availability signals are crucial for attraction. Interestingly, even objectively attractive women who didn't signal availability were approached less than women who actively showed interest. When trying to connect with someone, sending clear availability signals is more important than physical appearance alone.

2. The power of a confident "hey"

One of the simplest yet most effective ways to signal interest is with a simple "hey" said in a confident tone. Vanessa recommends using the lowest end of your natural vocal range when saying this greeting, as research shows people decide how confident someone is within the first 200 milliseconds of hearing them speak.

Speaking from your maximum resonance point—the lower end of your natural range—signals confidence and openness. When we're nervous, our vocal pitch tends to rise, signaling anxiety that others can unconsciously "catch." Practicing speaking on your outbreath helps relax the vocal cords and naturally lowers your tone, making you sound more confident and approachable.

3. Context cues create connection through "me too" moments

After establishing initial contact with someone, the next step is finding shared context through what Vanessa calls "me too" moments. These are points of similarity or shared experience that build connection. Rather than asking generic questions like "what do you do?", try referencing something in your immediate environment that you both share experience with.

This approach leverages the similarity attraction effect, where people naturally bond over similarities. Each "me too" moment creates a thread of connection between people. Using context cues like commenting on the event you're both attending, the class you're taking together, or the food you're both experiencing creates natural pathways to discover similarities and build rapport.

4. The most liked people have the longest list of those they like

One surprising finding Vanessa shares comes from research on popularity in high schools. The study found that the most popular students weren't necessarily the most athletic, attractive, or outgoing—they were the ones who liked the most other people. The students with the longest lists of peers they genuinely liked were also the most liked by others.

This insight shifts our perspective on charisma from trying to impress others to actively finding things to appreciate about them. Rather than focusing on being funny, smart, or impressive, direct your attention toward genuinely liking others and expressing that appreciation. This creates a reciprocal effect where people naturally feel more drawn to you.

5. The art of graceful exits from conversations

Vanessa shares a three-step process for politely ending conversations you want to exit. First, begin with subtle nonverbal signals like pointing your toes toward the door, making less eye contact, or glancing at the exit. Second, introduce verbal cues by asking about future plans with questions like "What are you doing tomorrow?" or "Any weekend plans?"

The final step is wishing them well on those future plans, thanking them for the conversation, and then gracefully exiting. This approach allows you to maintain the relationship while setting a boundary. For more direct situations, you can simply state, "It's been great talking to you. I'd like to make the rounds—can we catch up later?"

6. Warmth and competence make up 82% of judgments

Research from Princeton University found that people are constantly trying to answer two questions about others: Can I trust you? (warmth) and Can I rely on you? (competence). These two dimensions—warmth and competence—account for 82% of our judgments about other people. Most people have an imbalance, naturally leaning toward one or the other.

Those high in warmth prioritize being liked, sometimes at the expense of their credibility. Those high in competence prioritize being right and respected, sometimes at the expense of likability. The key to effective communication is balancing both qualities. People who can signal both warmth and competence navigate the social world most successfully, as they're both trusted and respected.

7. The danger of incongruent communication cues

Vanessa explains that incongruence between verbal and nonverbal communication is a major red flag in relationships. When someone says one thing but their body language communicates something different—like saying "I'm happy for you" with a fake smile that doesn't reach their eyes—it creates a disconnect that registers as inauthentic.

Getting people "off script" by doing activities outside typical dating venues (like restaurants or coffee shops) helps reveal these incongruences. Vanessa recommends the "car challenge"—taking a one-hour drive to an activity with someone—to see how they behave in different contexts. This extended, varied interaction reveals much more about a person than a standard date where they might be on their best behavior.

8. The 80% ambivert advantage

Most people (about 80%) are ambiverts—neither pure introverts nor extroverts. Ambiverts can adapt their social energy depending on the situation and company. They can dial up their energy to match an extrovert or engage in quiet, deep conversation like an introvert, but they need recharge time between social interactions.

Vanessa describes this adaptability as a "superpower" but notes ambiverts often struggle with ambivalence in relationships. They may maintain friendships out of habit rather than genuine connection. She advises ambiverts to be more decisive about their relationships and prioritize those that energize rather than drain them.

9. Breaking social scripts creates dopamine and memorability

When you break expected social scripts—like answering a standard question in an unexpected way—you create dopamine in the other person's brain. Dopamine is associated with motivation and excitement, and research shows it makes you more memorable to others. Instead of sticking to predictable conversation patterns, try unexpected approaches like asking someone to guess your answer.

This approach isn't just about being interesting—it's about creating a neurochemical reaction that helps the other person remember you. Examples include asking "Working on anything exciting lately?" instead of "How are you?" or suggesting a guessing game when asked about siblings or hometown. These small pattern interruptions make conversations more engaging and memorable.

10. The scent factor in human connection

Research shows that humans communicate and connect through smell in ways we're often not consciously aware of. In one study Vanessa mentions, people who smelled sweat from someone experiencing fear unconsciously "caught" that fear—their own amygdala activated in response. In another study, women could predict which other women they would click with in person just by smelling their worn t-shirts.

These findings suggest that our sense of unease or comfort around others may have chemical components we can't see or consciously detect. When something feels "off" about a person despite everything looking fine on the surface, it may be worth trusting that instinct. Natural scent plays a significant role in attraction and connection, potentially explaining chemistry that cannot be captured through dating apps or online interaction.