Hannah Berner: The TRUTH About Marriage No One Talks About!
Here are the top 10 transformative insights from Hannah Berner's conversation with Jay Shetty that reveal her journey from tennis pro to comedy star and the valuable life lessons she discovered along the way.
1. Finding your calm
Hannah Berner describes how she experienced debilitating performance anxiety during her tennis career but surprisingly felt calm when she first performed stand-up comedy. This stark contrast helped her realize she wasn't in the right profession. She explains that when something feels right, there's an inherent calmness that comes with it.
This sense of calm serves as an internal compass for making major life decisions. Hannah encourages people to "find their calm" instead of forcing themselves to fit into situations that aren't right for them. The absence of dread and shame she felt before performing comedy (compared to tennis) was a clear signal that she had found her true calling.
2. The power of pivoting
Hannah embraces the concept of pivoting in life, celebrating her ability to leave situations that no longer serve her. From quitting tennis despite external success to being fired from reality TV, she views these transitions as opportunities for rebirth rather than failures. She's developed a perspective that values growth over stability.
These pivots have allowed her to continually move closer to her authentic self. Rather than seeing her multiple career changes as setbacks, she recognizes how each experience contributed valuable skills to her current success. Hannah believes that the ability to pivot is a strength, not a weakness, and encourages people not to stay in situations where they've outgrown their purpose.
3. Trusting your body's signals
Hannah describes how her body would physically reject situations that weren't right for her. What she initially thought was anxiety, she later recognized as her intuition sending powerful signals. Her body would communicate discomfort in environments that didn't align with her authentic self.
Learning to listen to these physical signals became a crucial skill for Hannah. She explains that people who are mentally strong often suppress these internal messages, especially in competitive environments like tennis. As she matured, she realized the importance of tuning into rather than numbing these feelings. This bodily intelligence guides her toward what's genuinely right for her life.
4. Past failures prepare you for future success
Hannah attributes her comedy success to the discipline and work ethic she developed during her tennis career. Rather than viewing her tennis experience as wasted time, she recognizes how it prepared her for her current profession. The skills transferred, even if the specific domain changed.
She approaches comedy with the same dedication she had for tennis but with a healthier mindset. This perspective allows her to see that losing a dream doesn't mean the experience was wasted. Instead, it can be the foundation for building something new and better aligned with who you truly are.
5. Moving toward what feels authentic
Hannah emphasizes the importance of pursuing activities that allow you to be your authentic self. In tennis, she felt constrained by rules and expectations. Comedy provides her the freedom to express herself without boundaries. This contrast helped her recognize the value of environments that celebrate rather than restrict her natural tendencies.
She encourages people to reflect on what they loved as children before societal expectations shaped their choices. Hannah rediscovered her love for performance and creativity that existed before athletics became her focus. Her story demonstrates that career fulfillment often comes from reconnecting with these authentic interests rather than pursuing paths solely for external validation or financial success.
6. Finding the right relationship
Hannah believes relationships should enhance who you are rather than diminish you. She shares how she previously pursued emotionally unavailable men because she wasn't ready for vulnerability. Her relationship approach changed when she realized that if someone isn't an asset to your life, there's no reason to be with them.
The quality of your relationship directly reflects how much you love yourself. Hannah emphasizes looking beyond superficial qualities to find someone who makes you feel like yourself. She advises focusing on whether you want to hear this person's voice for the rest of your life, as they create the vibe of your daily existence. Her marriage provides her a sense of peace that was missing in previous relationships.
7. Women should pursue opportunities even when underqualified
Hannah points out that women often wait until they're overqualified before pursuing opportunities, while men confidently apply with minimal qualifications. She encourages women to challenge themselves by attempting things they aren't fully prepared for, as this builds confidence and reveals hidden capabilities.
Her own success came from pursuing comedy despite lacking traditional qualifications. Hannah received a Netflix special that became a top 5 hit despite having an unconventional background. She believes women should stop waiting for perfect readiness and instead embrace challenges that stretch their abilities. This approach allows for unexpected growth and success.
8. The value of adversity
Hannah views adversity as a powerful catalyst for growth. When she was fired from reality TV, she channeled her disappointment into motivation for her comedy career. Rather than being defeated by rejection, she used it as fuel to pursue even greater success.
She takes pride in her ability to bounce back from setbacks. This resilience stems from her athletic background, where she learned to handle difficult situations. Hannah believes that cream will rise to the top regardless of obstacles, and her life demonstrates how adversity can redirect you toward better opportunities that might otherwise have remained undiscovered.
9. The importance of quality relationships
Hannah values a small but strong support system over numerous shallow connections. Her tight circle includes her parents, brother, husband, and a few close friends. These relationships provided crucial support during her career transitions and personal challenges.
She emphasizes depth over breadth in relationships. Hannah believes in putting your energy out and allowing the right energies to return naturally rather than forcing connections. This approach has led her to authentic relationships with people who truly see and accept her, providing the foundation she needed to pursue her dreams and handle setbacks.
10. Follow jealousy as a guide
Hannah suggests that unexplained jealousy can be a powerful indicator of suppressed desires. She recalls feeling inexplicably jealous when her cousin moved to Los Angeles to pursue acting, despite not consciously wanting to be an actress herself. This reaction revealed a hidden aspiration she hadn't acknowledged.
For anyone experiencing similar unexpected jealousy, Hannah recommends viewing it as the universe revealing what you truly want. She encourages people to pay attention to these emotional signals rather than dismissing them. Her experience demonstrates how these feelings can guide you toward authentic desires that you might be afraid to admit even to yourself.