The Motivation Expert: Why You're FAILING To Achieve Your Goals (& What To Do About It!)

Here are the top 10 key takeaways from Rob Dial's conversation with Jay Shetty that will help you break through your mental barriers and finally achieve your goals.

1. Your why must be stronger than your how

Finding a powerful purpose behind your goals is essential for achieving them. When your motivation is deeply rooted in something meaningful, obstacles become less significant. Rob Dial emphasizes that if your "why" is strong enough, your "how" will naturally reveal itself. This principle applies to any goal, whether it's starting a business, creating content, or making a life change.

People often get stuck in procrastination because they focus too much on the mechanics of achieving something rather than connecting with their deeper purpose. By repeatedly asking yourself "why" you want to achieve something and drilling down multiple levels, you uncover the true emotional drivers that will sustain your motivation. One of Dial's coaching clients discovered through this process that his goal of making $100,000 wasn't about the money itself, but about providing safety for his children - a much more powerful motivator.

2. Intellectual fears exist only in your mind

Many of the fears that hold people back aren't connected to real physical dangers but are manufactured by our minds. Rob Dial distinguishes between primal fears (related to pain or death) and intellectual fears (rejection, failure, or judgment). These intellectual fears feel real but exist only in our thoughts, creating unnecessary barriers to taking action.

Our brains can't distinguish between real and imagined threats. When we project ourselves into a fearful future scenario, our bodies respond with stress hormones as if the threat were happening now. This physical response reinforces the fear and keeps us stuck. The solution isn't to try to overcome these fears but to recognize they don't actually exist. Rather than fighting imaginary monsters, we can redirect our energy toward our goals.

A practical approach is to balance fearful thinking with positive visualization. If you're going to imagine the worst that could happen, also take time to imagine the best possible outcomes. This creates emotional balance and prevents fear from dominating your decision-making process.

3. Awareness, practice, and repetition create change

Transforming limiting patterns requires a three-step process: awareness, practice, and repetition. Dial shares how he used this framework to overcome his tendency to judge others. First, he became aware of his judgmental thoughts. Then, he developed a practice of identifying three positive things about the person he was judging. Finally, he consistently repeated this practice until it became natural.

The first thought that comes to mind may be automatic and beyond your control, but you can always choose your second thought. This principle provides tremendous freedom. When you notice an unhelpful pattern emerging, pause and implement your predetermined practice. Don't beat yourself up for having the initial thought - this only reinforces negative patterns.

With enough repetition, even your first thoughts begin to change. The brain creates new neural pathways that eventually become your default response. What started as conscious effort eventually becomes automatic. This process works for overcoming fear, reducing judgment, building confidence, or changing any mental pattern that doesn't serve you.

4. Most repeated thoughts determine your outcomes

Our most significant failures and successes stem from our most frequently repeated thoughts. Jay Shetty points out that many people aren't even aware of their most common thought patterns. Those who are aware often discover these thoughts are negative, like "I'm not good enough" or "I don't deserve success." These repetitive thoughts create a foundation for all our actions and decisions.

Our minds tend to recycle the same thoughts in different forms. While they may appear as distinct ideas, they're often variations of the same core beliefs. Becoming conscious of these patterns is the first step to changing them. By identifying your most repeated thoughts, you can evaluate whether they're serving your goals or hindering them.

The key breakthrough comes from recognizing you can be selective about which thoughts you reinforce. Rather than passively accepting whatever comes to mind, you can consciously choose which thoughts to nurture. This requires regular self-examination and a willingness to challenge long-standing mental habits.

5. Driven people have a strong why

There's a significant difference between motivation and drive. Motivation is temporary and fleeting - it comes and goes based on external factors. Drive, however, is lasting and comes from within. It's visible in someone's eyes and demeanor. Driven individuals have a clear sense of purpose that sustains them through challenges that would defeat merely motivated people.

The source of true drive is a powerful "why" that connects to something deeply meaningful. This could be family, service to others, or a personal mission. When obstacles arise, driven people reconnect with their purpose rather than giving up. They see challenges as temporary roadblocks on a journey they're committed to completing.

Developing drive requires uncovering your authentic purpose through honest self-examination. If you repeatedly ask yourself why you want something, eventually you'll reach the core truth that can fuel sustainable action. Surface-level goals rarely provide enough energy for long-term commitment, but connecting to deeper values creates unstoppable momentum.

6. We create our identity through our choices

Our sense of self isn't fixed but is constantly being shaped by our beliefs and actions. Rob Dial references Jim Carrey's experience playing Andy Kaufman in "Man on the Moon," where Carrey became so immersed in the role that he temporarily lost his sense of self. This extreme example illustrates that our identities are more fluid than we typically realize.

The liberating truth is that you can choose to reinvent yourself at any moment. Many people feel trapped by their self-concept, believing "this is just who I am." But our identities are largely composed of habitual thoughts and behaviors that can be changed. When we recognize this flexibility, we open ourselves to new possibilities for growth and transformation.

Challenging your beliefs about who you are can be uncomfortable but rewarding. Rather than accepting limiting self-definitions, ask yourself if they're serving your goals. If not, you can consciously adopt new beliefs and behaviors that align with the person you want to become. This isn't pretending - it's recognizing that identity is an ongoing creation, not a fixed trait.

7. Balance significance and insignificance

A powerful mindset shift involves holding two seemingly contradictory ideas simultaneously: that your life is both deeply significant and completely insignificant. This paradox creates psychological freedom. If you only see your life as extremely significant, everything becomes high-pressure and stressful. If you only see it as insignificant, you lose motivation and purpose.

The balanced perspective recognizes that your actions matter deeply in your immediate context while acknowledging their relative insignificance in the grand cosmic scale. This combination relieves perfectionism and anxiety while maintaining enough meaning to drive purposeful action. It's not about choosing one view over the other, but embracing both simultaneously.

Rob Dial finds this balance liberating. It allows him to pursue ambitious goals without the crushing pressure of thinking everything depends on his success. He can take his work seriously without taking himself too seriously. This perspective creates space for playfulness, creativity, and joy in achievement rather than grim determination.

8. External achievement won't fill internal voids

Material success and external recognition cannot resolve internal emotional needs. Rob Dial shares how he pursued financial goals believing money would provide the safety and security he lacked in childhood. When he achieved his financial targets, he was surprised to discover he felt exactly the same as before. The void remained unfilled despite his success.

Many people mistakenly believe that achievement, recognition, or purchasing power will heal emotional wounds or provide lasting fulfillment. These external gains can temporarily boost happiness but cannot address deeper psychological needs. What appears to be a desire for success may actually be a longing for self-acceptance, love, or healing from past wounds.

The path to genuine fulfillment involves turning inward to address these needs directly rather than seeking external substitutes. This might involve therapeutic work, developing self-compassion, or spiritual practices that foster inner connection. External success can complement this inner work but cannot replace it.

9. Connecting to inner silence reveals answers

Amid constant distraction, intentional silence creates space for insight and creativity. Rob Dial emphasizes the importance of regular periods of silence, stating that "God, the universe, life speaks in silence." These quiet moments allow underlying wisdom to emerge that's typically drowned out by constant stimulation.

Many people avoid silence because it initially triggers uncomfortable feelings like anxiety or restlessness. Dial encourages pushing through this discomfort, noting that these emotions often indicate unprocessed feelings seeking release. Tears, insights, or creative solutions frequently emerge when we allow ourselves to sit with the initial discomfort of silence.

Practical implementation might involve sitting quietly for a period each morning, taking walks without electronic devices, or creating small pockets of silence throughout the day. These moments of stillness aren't wasted time but are often when the most valuable insights emerge. Many of Dial's most creative ideas and solutions have come during these quiet periods rather than during active problem-solving.

10. Asking for help is strength, not weakness

The myth of complete self-sufficiency can prevent personal growth and connection. Rob Dial shares how he had to learn the hard way that "no man is an island." His childhood experiences with an unreliable father led him to believe he couldn't count on others, creating a pattern of excessive self-reliance that limited his potential.

As his business and influence grew, Dial recognized that trying to do everything himself created a bottleneck. A team of thirty people could accomplish in one day what would take him a month alone. Beyond practical limitations, his reluctance to seek help also affected personal relationships, preventing the vulnerability needed for deep connection.

The breakthrough came when he redefined asking for help as a sign of strength rather than weakness. This shift allowed him to build a supportive team, seek emotional support when needed, and achieve far more than would have been possible alone. The lesson extends beyond business to all aspects of life - acknowledging interdependence opens doors to growth that remain closed to those insisting on complete self-sufficiency.