Robert Greene On How To Stop Feeling Empty Inside & Finding Your Unique Purpose

Here are the top 10 insights from Robert Greene's conversation with Jay Shetty on finding purpose and overcoming emptiness.

1. Identifying negative people by their character

Robert Greene suggests looking beyond surface-level traits like intelligence or charm when evaluating people. Instead, focus on their character strength. People with strong character can take criticism constructively, handle stress effectively, and take responsibility when things go wrong. They're reliable under pressure and maintain consistency in their behavior regardless of circumstances.

A key indicator of negative character is an inability to accept criticism. When someone becomes defensive rather than receptive to feedback, it reveals a protective shell that prevents growth and accountability. Other red flags include how they handle power (do they become abusive?), their choice of partners (do they select people they can control?), and their competitiveness in casual settings (must they win at everything?).

2. Understanding our attraction to negative people

We often attract or are attracted to negative people because of our own internal emptiness. Greene admits his own tendency to get involved with narcissistic people, theorizing this stems from his upbringing and personal feelings of emptiness. The attention and charm narcissists initially offer can feel enchanting to those seeking to fill internal voids.

This pattern reveals how our personal weaknesses influence our relationships. People sometimes repeatedly choose harmful relationships because the drama and pain make them feel alive. This cyclical behavior persists when we haven't addressed our own emotional needs and instead seek external validation to fill internal emptiness.

3. Finding purpose through meaningful work

Greene shares that he fills his own sense of emptiness through his work, ideas, and thinking. For him, work isn't just about earning money but serves as a way to express his identity and fulfill his destiny. This purpose-driven approach gives him daily direction and meaning.

His passion for books and ideas helps satisfy his intellectual hunger. The process of exploring new concepts and developing fresh perspectives provides a sense of fulfillment that addresses his existential needs. However, he also acknowledges the importance of balance, noting that constantly filling oneself up can become its own form of attachment.

4. Embracing emptiness as enlightenment

Contrary to the common desire to fill internal emptiness, Greene suggests there's beauty in accepting emptiness itself. From his Zen meditation practice, he's learned that the self is merely a mental construction and that true enlightenment comes from recognizing there's nothing there – a concept known as egolessness.

This perspective challenges our natural tendency to continuously fill ourselves with thoughts, food, or external stimulation. Instead, it celebrates the emptiness as a path to seeing reality more clearly. By releasing attachment to the idea of having a fixed self or ego, we can experience a profound form of liberation and beauty in the present moment.

5. The deadening of empathy in modern society

Greene observes that while humans are naturally born with the capacity for empathy, modern society often suppresses this innate ability. The powerful experience of deeply connecting with another person – seeing the world through someone else's eyes – gets diminished by our self-focused culture that emphasizes individuality, personal needs, and attention-seeking.

Our internal thoughts are actually quite repetitive and boring, while other people represent fascinating new worlds to explore. Yet social media, contemporary pressures, and modern lifestyles have atrophied our empathetic muscles. This disconnection persists despite occasional moments when empathy reawakens, leaving us yearning for more genuine connection.

6. The limitation of thoughts and social media's exploitation of them

During meditation, Greene notices how trivial, repetitive thoughts constantly bubble up despite attempts to empty his mind. This reveals a fundamental lack of control over our own thinking processes. These intrusive thoughts – often about mundane matters like schedules or appointments – interrupt attempts to access deeper awareness.

He draws a fascinating parallel between this mental process and how social media functions. Both operate by creating thought patterns designed to trigger emotional engagement and compulsive attention. Social media essentially mirrors and exploits the human brain's tendency toward distracting, emotionally-charged thinking, making it harder to achieve mental clarity and focus.

7. Questioning beliefs to discover authentic self

Greene emphasizes the importance of questioning our beliefs to discover our authentic selves. He suggests examining why we hold certain beliefs, where they originated from, and considering their opposites. This process, though sometimes unsettling, helps strip away programming from parents, culture, and education to reveal our true nature.

The goal isn't to create uncertainty but to cut through social conditioning that has nothing to do with our essence. By questioning what truly interests us versus what others have told us should interest us, we get closer to discovering our core self and purpose. This deliberate questioning leads to greater certainty about who we are and what we're meant to accomplish.

Self-discovery requires distinguishing between intrinsic values and externally imposed ones. Once we reach this "inner gold" of self-knowledge, we gain firm ground that doesn't require constant questioning. Greene uses his early recognition of his writing identity as an example of finding this certainty.

8. The cyclical nature of personal growth

Greene challenges the popular "before and after" narrative of personal development. Instead of a linear journey where problems are permanently solved, he describes growth as cyclical. It's not that we never experience negative emotions again; rather, we experience them differently and develop better tools to manage them.

This perspective offers a more realistic view of self-improvement. We never reach a state of perfect enlightenment where anxious or negative thoughts disappear completely. Instead, success means developing improved strategies for engaging with these recurring challenges. This acceptance of cyclical growth prevents the discouragement that comes from expecting permanent solutions.

The recognition of this pattern helps release the pressure of trying to achieve an idealized final state. Growth becomes about building a healthier relationship with our challenges rather than eliminating them entirely. This more compassionate approach acknowledges our humanity while still supporting meaningful progress.

9. Creative challenges and authenticity

Greene describes how after the success of "48 Laws of Power," he faced the temptation to simply repeat his winning formula. Instead, he chose the harder path of exploring new territory with each book, driven by a belief that creative work must be energized by genuine passion and discovery. Without this authentic engagement, creative work becomes hollow and mechanistic.

Each new project represents a challenge that makes him feel alive. His current book feels completely different from his previous seven works, creating both difficulty and excitement. This approach maintains the vitality of his writing and prevents the emptiness that comes from merely going through motions for commercial success.

The creative struggle itself becomes meaningful, even when accompanied by self-doubt. Greene admits that with each book, he hits moments where he believes "the wells are dry" before eventually breaking through. This uncertainty is a necessary part of authentic creation, signaling a commitment to truth rather than convenience.

10. Expanding consciousness through cultural exploration

Greene advocates for expanding consciousness by exploring different cultures, time periods, and sensory experiences. He recommends reading about ancient civilizations, listening to recreated historical music, and immersing oneself in places that haven't been homogenized by modern consumer culture. These experiences offer glimpses into richer, more diverse ways of perceiving reality.

Our modern environment has created a "generic culture" that limits our sensory and cognitive experiences. Ancient cultures, despite their flaws, often maintained richer internal worlds, broader sensory experiences, and more diverse language. By connecting with these alternative perspectives, we can expand beyond our narrowed modern consciousness.

Places like Bhutan that maintain traditional ways of life offer rare opportunities to experience a different relationship with time, space, and community. Greene suggests that exploring these alternatives isn't about romanticizing the past but about recognizing the full range of human experience that gets lost in our increasingly homogenized world. This exploration reminds us that human consciousness has more potential breadth and depth than our standardized environment typically allows.