Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: How Benny Taught Me to Trust Again

Here are the top 10 key takeaways from Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco's candid conversation with Jay Shetty, offering intimate insights into their relationship journey and the wisdom they've gained along the way.

1. Their unexpected path to romance

Selena and Benny's relationship began unexpectedly, with neither looking for romance. Initially, they worked together professionally for years, with Selena being cautious and protective of herself. Benny even thought she disliked him, as she was quiet and reserved during their interactions.

Their relationship shifted when Benny helped with Selena's song "Single Soon." What started as a professional session turned into hours of conversation about life and dating. After exchanging texts featuring unflattering selfies, they arranged to meet, with Selena thinking it was a date while Benny believed it was just a friendly hangout. This misunderstanding eventually led to their first kiss while playing a card game at home.

2. Trust as the foundation of their relationship

Trust forms the cornerstone of Selena and Benny's relationship, especially during periods of separation due to their busy careers. Selena emphasized that feeling safe with her partner was something she hadn't experienced before, stating: "I can say with all my heart that I trust this person."

Benny addresses trust by maintaining consistent communication, sending simple check-in texts when they're apart, and being transparent about his whereabouts. He believes in trusting someone completely until given a reason not to. For Selena, this reliability has been crucial in helping her overcome past relationship insecurities and building confidence in their bond.

This mutual trust creates a foundation that allows them to navigate the complexities of maintaining a relationship while balancing demanding careers and public scrutiny.

3. The importance of honest communication

The couple emphasizes that honest communication is vital to their relationship. Benny mentioned that what drew him to Selena was her authenticity: "What I felt for Benny, it was everything about him was honest. He'll tell me anything that he's feeling and it made me feel like I could do the same."

They've established clear boundaries and communication patterns. When Selena feels irritated, she communicates her need for space, and Benny respects this without taking it personally. They approach disagreements as conversations rather than arguments, avoiding raised voices or hostile tones.

Their communication style extends to their creative collaboration as well. When making music together, they provide honest feedback without ego, allowing them to work together effectively without damaging their relationship.

4. How timing impacts relationships

Both Selena and Benny believe they met at precisely the right moment in their lives. Selena reflected that she wouldn't have been in the right headspace for their relationship ten years ago: "I think in the past, that's why I say to him all the time, 10 years ago, it's not that I wouldn't have wanted to be with you. I just wouldn't have been in the right head space."

This recognition of timing highlights their individual growth journeys. Selena spent five years alone to "collect herself" and work through past reactive patterns. Benny had reached a point in his life where he was looking for a serious relationship and had even made a list of qualities he wanted in a partner.

Their story suggests that sometimes the right person can be in your orbit for years, but the relationship only flourishes when both individuals have evolved to a place where they're ready for a healthy connection.

5. The courage to be vulnerable

For Selena, being vulnerable was initially challenging. She described herself as "cautious" and "protecting myself" in the early stages. A significant turning point came when she was the first to say "I love you" to Benny, something she had never done in previous relationships.

This vulnerability extended to their music collaboration. Creating an album together became a therapeutic experience where they could discuss feelings and past experiences openly. Benny noted that Selena shared things she might not have otherwise revealed if they weren't in the creative space together.

Their relationship demonstrates how being willing to take emotional risks—despite past hurts—can lead to deeper connection. Selena's willingness to lower her defenses allowed her to experience the relationship fully rather than remaining guarded and missing out on genuine intimacy.

6. How kindness remains undervalued

Both Selena and Benny discussed how genuine kindness is often perceived negatively in today's world. Selena expressed frustration at being called "fake" for simply being kind and grateful: "I genuinely try 99% of the time to be kind and to just be happy and grateful for what I have. And that just almost isn't cool anymore."

Benny agreed, questioning why people choose to tear others down rather than lift them up. He believes showing emotion and making others feel good is far "cooler" than maintaining a detached or critical stance. He makes a point to tell Selena how much he loves her multiple times daily and regularly expresses appreciation.

This perspective challenges the cultural tendency to view kindness and emotional openness as weakness. They advocate for making it "cool again to care for people and be cared for," suggesting that genuine warmth and appreciation create stronger connections than emotional distance.

7. The challenge of public scrutiny

Selena spoke candidly about the pressures of constant public examination, particularly how women face harsher judgment than men. She described facing criticism about her appearance, weight, ethnicity, and character: "It's the character that gets judged. It's the way I'm not white enough, I'm not Mexican enough...there's just these so many different things that come up in my face."

This scrutiny has affected her emotional well-being, making her "a tad bitter" despite not wanting to be a victim. She's developed coping mechanisms, including taking breaks from social media and limiting what apps she has on her phone.

Benny contrasts with his approach of completely disengaging from public opinion. He doesn't read comments, interviews, or concern himself with others' perceptions: "Why are you reading the comments? I'd rather just free fall through life." This difference in their approaches highlights the gendered nature of public criticism and the varying strategies people adopt to maintain mental health in the spotlight.

8. How they navigate disagreements

Selena and Benny have developed a mature approach to handling disagreements that avoids escalation. They made a rule never to raise voices at each other, wanting their home to feel like "a warm hug." When tensions arise, they focus on understanding rather than winning arguments.

Their approach involves giving space when needed, active listening, and communicating feelings without hostility. Selena mentions that when she's frustrated, Benny quickly validates her feelings with phrases like "I hear you" and "you're allowed to feel that," which helps defuse her reactive tendencies. Benny emphasizes that "guys are so quick to win the argument," but questions what's actually being won if your partner ends up hurt.

This balanced conflict resolution style has helped them build a relationship where they've "never had an argument" but rather have conversations. Their method demonstrates that disagreements don't have to be destructive if handled with mutual respect and genuine care for the other person's feelings.

9. Creating space for relationship growth

The couple emphasizes how spending quality time together has strengthened their bond. Their collaboration on Selena's album created an opportunity to share deeper parts of themselves while doing something they both love. Benny described the process as "therapy" and "a safe place" where they could talk openly.

This creative collaboration allowed them to learn things about each other they might not have discovered otherwise. The album became more than just a professional project—it became a vehicle for relationship development. They recorded the entire album at home with friends, making it an intimate experience that "blurred reality."

The takeaway is that finding activities that allow couples to connect deeply while pursuing shared interests can significantly enhance relationship quality. For Selena and Benny, making music together not only produced art but also "absolutely brought us closer," demonstrating how shared creative endeavors can strengthen romantic bonds.

10. The value of partnership maturity

Selena and Benny's relationship demonstrates how individual growth and maturity contribute to a healthy partnership. Both acknowledged they wouldn't have worked as a couple when they were younger. Selena spent five years alone working on herself, while Benny reached a point where he wanted to "start a life" with someone who complemented him.

Their maturity is evident in how they inspire each other professionally. They describe being genuinely interested in each other's work and finding mutual inspiration. Benny explained: "When she comes back from her day and tells me what she did...my eyes light up because I see the enthusiasm. It fucking inspires me."

This mature partnership also features complementary strengths and weaknesses. They consult each other on decisions, valuing the different perspectives they bring. As Benny put it: "We're in this place where we're inspiring each other...the thing that one of us is really good at, the other one maybe lacks a little bit." This balance allows them to grow together while maintaining their individual identities and career paths.