Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust!

Here are the top 10 key takeaways from former Secret Service agent Evy Poumpouras on how to read people and know who you can really trust.

1. Self-reliance is essential for success

Evy emphasizes that looking to others for support before taking action is problematic thinking. She states clearly: "You can't look to other people to support you for you to go do something. If you're saying you need to give me this so I can do this, they're not the problem. Your thinking is the problem."

This mindset shift is about taking ownership of your path rather than waiting for external validation or permission. Evy developed this perspective through her challenging experiences in law enforcement training, where she faced constant criticism designed to make candidates quit. Instead of seeking support, she recognized that perseverance came from within.

2. Observe more than you speak

One of Evy's most powerful insights is about the value of listening and observation. She advises: "Ask people questions, drop a question, and go quiet. Let them reveal themselves to you."

By talking less and observing more, you gather valuable intelligence about who people truly are. This approach allows you to make better assessments of character and trustworthiness. Evy applies this technique in both personal and professional contexts to understand others' motivations and behaviors.

The ability to remain silent and let others fill the space provides deeper insights than constant conversation. This skill was particularly valuable in Evy's work as a polygraph examiner and interrogator, where getting accurate information required creating space for others to reveal themselves.

3. There is no clear divide between good and evil

Evy challenges the simplistic view that divides people into good and evil categories. She notes: "The mistake we make is we think there's good and there's evil. Evil people do bad things. Good people do bad things. Good people take advantage. Good people will hurt you."

This perspective helps avoid the common trap of assuming someone won't harm you because they appear "nice" or "good." People's behavior exists on a spectrum, and making assessments based on actions rather than perceived character is more accurate.

Understanding this reality allows for better discernment in relationships. It prevents the naive assumption that someone's pleasant demeanor guarantees trustworthy behavior, which Evy identifies as a common vulnerability in interpersonal dynamics.

4. Avoid comparing yourself to others

Evy reveals that she never watches other podcast interviews to avoid the comparison trap. She explains: "The moment I start to [compare myself], I stop. And this is, I've never said this, I'll say this here. I've never watched anybody else's podcast interview. Ever."

This discipline protects her authenticity and prevents the psychological undermining that comes from comparison. She learned this approach during Secret Service firearms training, where looking at others' targets could negatively impact her own performance.

By focusing solely on her own path, Evy maintains a clear sense of self and purpose. This approach has been crucial to her success after transitioning from government service to public speaking and media roles, where comparison is particularly tempting.

5. Adapt to different situations and people

Rather than expecting the world to adapt to her, Evy emphasizes the importance of adaptability: "We don't bend the world to us. We don't make people adapt to us. We become adaptable to the world."

This doesn't mean changing who you are fundamentally, but rather adjusting your approach based on who you're dealing with. Evy gives the example of using a softer tone when interviewing a vulnerable witness versus a more authoritative presence in other scenarios.

Adaptability allows for more effective communication and connection across different contexts. Evy demonstrates how this skill helped her secure confessions during interrogations by matching her energy and approach to what the subject needed, rather than rigidly maintaining a single style.

6. Look at behavior, not labels

Evy advocates focusing on people's actions rather than the categories we place them in: "Don't label people, label the behavior. Labels are for clothing. Label what they show you."

By focusing on specific behaviors, you can make more accurate assessments of relationships and situations. This approach prevents being blinded by general impressions or wishful thinking about who someone is.

Observing patterns of behavior over time provides the most reliable information about a person's character. Evy stresses that people will show you who they are through their actions, and your job is to pay attention to what they demonstrate consistently.

7. Maintain emotional neutrality

Evy describes adopting a "neutrality mindset" that avoids extreme emotional highs and lows: "It's where you don't have high highs and you don't have low lows. And you kind of live always in the middle."

This approach, which she developed through her Secret Service work, creates emotional stability regardless of external circumstances. It prevents both excessive celebration during good times and devastating crashes during difficult periods.

By maintaining this emotional equilibrium, Evy avoids having her state dictated by external factors or other people's actions. She notes that this mindset is common among high-performing professionals in high-stress fields, allowing them to function effectively under pressure.

8. Prioritize gathering information over emotional reactions

When faced with difficult situations, Evy emphasizes the importance of gathering complete information before reacting emotionally. She shares a personal example of maintaining composure to learn the full truth about an ex-boyfriend's behavior.

"If your goal is, I need to find out what this person has done so I can make a decision of whether I want to stay with them or not, I need information." By suspending judgment temporarily, she obtained the intelligence needed to make an informed decision.

This approach requires self-regulation and clarity about your primary objective. Evy stresses: "When you don't have intelligence, you make bad decisions." By prioritizing information gathering over immediate emotional gratification, you set yourself up for better long-term outcomes.

9. Develop reliable consistency

Evy highlights the stark contrast between government service and civilian life regarding reliability: "If a special agent said to me, Evy, I'll call you tomorrow at 9:00, they called me tomorrow at 9:00. If a special agent was like, I'll meet you there at 9:00, they were there at 8:50."

This consistency builds trust and competence in both professional and personal relationships. When people know you'll deliver on your commitments, they're more likely to reciprocate with reliability.

Evy has carried this value from her Secret Service career into her civilian life, noting that it continues to influence how others respond to her. The reliability she demonstrates creates a virtuous cycle where others are more likely to be reliable in return.

10. Practice gratitude for life-changing experiences

Evy shares how two near-death experiences—during 9/11 and while giving birth to her daughter—transformed her perspective on life. Rather than viewing these as purely traumatic events, she sees them as "two of the greatest blessings I've ever had."

These experiences taught her to appreciate life more deeply and clarified what truly matters. After surviving 9/11, she committed to living more fully and pursuing previously delayed dreams and goals.

The second near-death experience during childbirth gave her peace, as she felt she had lived a fulfilling life. This gratitude perspective transforms how she approaches daily challenges, keeping them in proportion to life's bigger picture. Evy suggests this mindset helps maintain emotional balance through life's inevitable ups and downs.