Past Trauma Can SABOTAGE Your Life Goals (Stop THESE Habits That are HOLDING You Back) | Eric Thomas

Here are the top 10 key takeaways from Eric Thomas's conversation with Lewis Howes about transforming your mindset, overcoming trauma, and creating the life you truly desire.

1. Take ownership of your life instead of blaming others

Eric Thomas shared how he once had a victim mindset, blaming his mother, his absent biological father, and his circumstances for his problems. This "outside inside theory" kept him stuck living in abandoned buildings as a homeless teenager in Detroit.

The turning point came when he realized he was the common denominator in all his problems. Looking in the mirror and telling himself "I'm sorry" was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. He had to acknowledge that while his circumstances weren't ideal, his responses to those circumstances were his responsibility. This shift from blaming to ownership changed everything.

2. You are your greatest asset

Thomas emphasizes that we often think our greatest assets are external things like real estate, degrees, or careers. What nobody told him was that he himself was his greatest asset. This realization transforms how you approach challenges and opportunities.

When you recognize yourself as your primary asset, you start investing in your growth and development first. Thomas notes that your environment - whether good or bad - doesn't matter if you don't "activate yourself." Many people from privileged backgrounds still struggle, while others from difficult circumstances thrive because they've activated their internal resources.

Self-investment yields returns unlike any other investment. Thomas explains that once he started investing in himself through education, mindset work, and skill development, his trajectory completely changed despite his challenging start in life.

3. Get a reward for your pain

Thomas advocates not letting past trauma define your future. He asks, "Why would you allow that thing they did to hurt you now define the rest of your life?" Instead, he suggests using painful experiences as fuel for growth and success.

His own difficult childhood became motivation to create a better life for his family. He describes the joy of watching his son and wife playing basketball at their California home - a life that would never have existed if he had remained stuck in his victim mindset. Thomas transformed his pain into purpose.

Past hardships can become your unique advantage. Thomas explains that his difficult background gave him "the dog" - a hunger and drive that people from more privileged backgrounds might lack. This allows him to connect authentically with young people facing similar challenges.

4. Make decisions based on facts, not feelings

Thomas describes how emotional decision-making led to some of his worst choices. When he discovered his mother had lied about his biological father, his emotional reaction caused him to run away and live on the streets - a dangerous decision for a young teenager.

Looking back as an adult, he can see the same situation factually: his mother was trying to protect him and provide stability. The document that revealed his parentage hadn't changed, but his interpretation of it could. Thomas states, "When you make emotional decisions, you get emotional consequences."

Developing discipline in your thinking requires practices like meditation to gain control of your mind rather than letting your mind control you. This discipline helps you approach challenges rationally, looking at evidence rather than acting on immediate emotional impulses.

5. Be your own best friend

Thomas emphasizes the importance of getting to know yourself deeply. Many people rush to find community or relationships without first developing a relationship with themselves. This self-understanding is foundational to everything else.

He points out that many people join groups or enter relationships because they think their happiness comes from being with others. But healthy relationships require two healthy individuals coming together, not two dysfunctional people trying to fix each other. You need to be healthy with yourself before you can be healthy with someone else.

When you truly understand yourself, you can show up authentically without constantly seeking external validation. Thomas compares this to how animals don't worry about what others think of them - they simply embrace their nature. This confidence comes from self-knowledge and self-acceptance.

6. Discover your North Star

Finding your purpose or "North Star" is crucial for fulfillment. Thomas suggests asking yourself what would make you happy if you lived life entirely on your terms, not just following societal expectations or others' definitions of success.

Your North Star guides your daily choices and gives meaning to your efforts. Thomas shares how discovering his purpose gave him direction after years of just "getting by." Though it took him 12 years to complete his college degree, he eventually earned a PhD because he found his driving purpose.

Balance is essential - your purpose isn't just about work. Thomas advises his son to enjoy life, travel, and experience the world alongside pursuing his career passion. Your North Star should lead to a life that's both meaningful and enjoyable.

7. Stop comparing your journey to others

Thomas warns against the "outside inside theory" where you compare your journey to others without understanding their context. People have different strengths, circumstances, and callings, making comparisons misleading and discouraging.

He reframes his 12-year college journey not as falling behind but as the development time he needed. Like a slingshot pulled back further to launch higher, his extended education prepared him for greater impact. Those who finished in four years had different paths and purposes.

Comparing your timeline to someone with completely different goals is "dangerous." Thomas encourages focusing on your unique path and the specific development you need for your particular purpose rather than arbitrary societal timelines.

8. Seek mentorship and coaching

Thomas attributes much of his success to mentorship. Meeting Warren Buffett expanded his vision of what was possible financially. Interactions with successful speakers like Les Brown and Bob Proctor taught him about his industry and business potential.

Even at the height of success, coaching becomes more important, not less. Thomas points to LeBron James spending $1.5 million annually on coaching for various aspects of his performance and well-being. This investment in expert guidance produces extraordinary results even at advanced stages of his career.

The difference between those who are coached and those who simply consume content is significant. While watching videos or reading books provides motivation, working directly with a mentor provides the blueprint, analytics, and personalized guidance needed for comparable results.

9. Allow yourself to receive

After years of focusing almost exclusively on giving, Thomas is learning to receive. He describes how God and his mentors are guiding him to accept help, support, and kindness from others rather than always being the provider.

He realized he had developed a "savior complex," feeling obligated to help everyone because others had helped him. Now he understands that balanced relationships involve both giving and receiving. Some people in his life have been trying to support him for years, but he hadn't fully allowed them to.

This new season involves enjoying deeper mutual relationships where he can receive as well as give. Thomas shares a simple example of letting someone buy him a drink from Starbucks instead of insisting on getting it himself - a small but meaningful step toward receiving the blessing others want to offer him.

10. Live for a purpose beyond yourself

Thomas defines greatness as "fulfilling the purpose of the manufacturer." For him, this means using his life for what the Creator intended. This purpose-driven approach gives meaning to both successes and struggles.

Initially, Thomas believed his purpose was primarily about helping others. Now he's realizing that taking care of himself is equally important to his purpose. Just as his wife pointed out that his happiness didn't automatically mean she was happy, Thomas recognizes that serving others without self-care isn't the complete picture.

The ultimate goal is for both creator and creation to be satisfied with how a life is lived. Thomas hopes to hear "well done, good and faithful servant" not just for his service to others but for how he stewarded his own well-being. True greatness comes from fulfilling your complete purpose, which includes both serving others and enjoying your own life.