3 Questions That Determine Who You Really Are
Here are the top 10 key takeaways from Mel Robbins' podcast that will transform how you understand yourself and unlock your true potential.
1. Ask yourself: "How would I do this if I got paid a million dollars?"
This question originated from Terry Crews during his time working menial jobs after leaving the NFL. When sweeping floors as a janitor, he asked himself how he would sweep if someone paid him a million dollars. This mental shift revealed hidden potential and excellence within himself. By imagining a high-value reward, he transformed his approach to even the most mundane tasks. This mindset helped him overcome depression and created a habit of excellence that extended to every aspect of his life.
The question reveals a capacity we all have but rarely tap into. It shows that we can elevate our performance at any time, simply by changing our mindset. When we imagine a significant reward, we naturally give our full attention and effort to the task at hand.
2. Excellence is a habit, not a one-time event
Terry Crews applied the million-dollar question to everything he did, from sweeping floors to working security. He made sure his flashlight batteries were charged and his clothes were ironed, treating each task with the utmost importance. This consistent approach created a habit of excellence that persisted regardless of external validation or circumstances.
The podcast emphasizes that excellence isn't achieved through occasional bursts of effort but through consistent, incremental improvements. Crews maintained his workout routine for 30 years, even when he initially just sat on gym equipment reading magazines while depressed. Small, consistent actions compound over time and become part of who you are.
3. Honest self-assessment drives growth
Terry Crews admitted that he didn't fully apply himself during his NFL career. This level of self-awareness and honesty is rare but crucial for personal growth. He acknowledged his responsibility in his career outcomes rather than blaming external factors. By recognizing where he fell short, he could make different choices moving forward.
Mel Robbins relates this to her own experience, reflecting on times she didn't put her full self into college, law school, and various jobs. This honest self-assessment provides the fuel for improvement. When we acknowledge our part in our disappointments, we gain the power to change our approach and tap into our true potential.
4. The regret minimization framework for decision-making
Jeff Bezos used what he called the "regret minimization framework" when deciding whether to leave his Wall Street job to start Amazon. He projected himself to age 80 and asked whether he would regret not trying this venture. This perspective helped him see that he would definitely regret not taking the risk, even if he failed.
This framework helps cut through short-term concerns (like walking away from a Wall Street bonus) by focusing on long-term satisfaction. It provides clarity by removing immediate obstacles from view and helps connect with what truly matters to us. Our biggest regrets are usually acts of omission—paths not taken—rather than failures from things we tried.
5. You never regret taking risks, even when you fail
Jeff Bezos realized there was "100% chance of regret" if he didn't try to start Amazon and "0% chance of regret" if he tried and failed. This insight applies universally—we rarely regret the risks we take, even when they don't work out as planned. Instead, we feel pride in our courage to try.
Mel shares her own experience of quitting her law job in 1999 to explore internet opportunities. Though she struggled for 14 years afterward, she never regretted taking that leap. Failure after risk-taking doesn't feel like failure; it feels like valuable experience. The courage to try something challenging becomes a source of pride regardless of the outcome.
6. "You are the love of your life"
Viola Davis offered this powerful perspective when asked for relationship advice. Instead of focusing on romantic relationships, she redirected to the most important relationship—the one with yourself. This mindset shift places self-care and self-respect at the foundation of all other relationships.
Starting with loving yourself creates the foundation for everything else. When you treat yourself with kindness, establish boundaries, advocate for your needs, and practice honesty with yourself, all other relationships benefit. This isn't selfish—it's setting the standard for how others should treat you and how you will approach life.
7. Success requires persistent effort, not just talent
Mel emphasizes that success isn't about how good you are in a moment, but how long you're willing to show up and refuse to quit. Terry Crews demonstrated this by committing to stay in LA until he succeeded, even if it took until he was 99 years old. His persistence eventually led to opportunities in acting that he hadn't even considered.
Success requires showing up consistently over a long period, tapping into your potential repeatedly, and refusing to quit despite setbacks. The game isn't about being the most talented; it's about outlasting others through determination and continuous improvement. This persistence often leads to unexpected opportunities that may differ from your original goal.
8. How you do anything is how you do everything
The podcast emphasizes that how you approach small tasks reflects how you'll handle important ones. Terry Crews' approach to sweeping floors translated to how he prepared for auditions and other opportunities. Your standards in one area of life typically extend to others.
This principle suggests there are no unimportant moments. The care and attention you give to mundane tasks builds character and habits that serve you when bigger opportunities arise. If you can't be trusted with small things, you likely won't excel with greater responsibilities. Excellence is a character trait, not a situational behavior.
9. Setting high standards reveals your potential
The three questions in the podcast all serve to raise personal standards and reveal untapped potential. When you imagine getting paid a million dollars for a task, you discover a level of performance you're capable of but not currently delivering. This reveals the gap between your current performance and your capability.
There's always another level you haven't reached yet. The moment you decide to hold yourself to a higher standard—whether in how you treat yourself, how you perform at work, or how you follow your heart—you discover abilities you didn't know you had. These questions serve as tools to dig deeper and access more of your innate capacity.
10. Your choices reveal who you truly are
The fundamental theme of the podcast is that your responses to these three questions reveal your true character. How you perform when no one is watching, what risks you're willing to take for what matters to you, and how you treat yourself when no one else is around—these choices define who you really are.
Your identity isn't found in your thoughts or intentions but in your actions and decisions. The way you sweep a floor when no one is looking reveals more about your character than what you do when everyone is watching. Your willingness to follow your heart despite fear shows your true priorities. And how you treat yourself when you wake up and before you go to bed demonstrates your authentic values.