6 Sneaky Ways People are Disrespecting You & What to Do About It
Here are the top 10 key takeaways from Mel Robbins' insights on how people subtly disrespect you and what you can do about it.
1. Recognize when someone talks over you
When someone talks over you, they demonstrate a fundamental lack of interest in your perspective. This behavior sends a clear message that what they have to say matters more than your contribution. It's particularly common in workplace settings, where women often experience this more frequently than men.
Research from Harvard Business Review offers effective strategies to counter this behavior. When someone interrupts you, continue speaking but slow your pace. Incorporate their name directly into your response with phrases like: "Mike, I'm going to finish my point first." This technique commands attention and reestablishes your speaking position without creating conflict. After completing your point, acknowledge their desire to speak by asking what they wanted to add, which demonstrates your maturity while maintaining boundaries.
2. Dismissing feelings is a form of disrespect
When someone responds to your emotions with phrases like "you're overreacting" or "why are you so sensitive," they're invalidating your experience. This dismissal communicates that your feelings are inconvenient or bothersome to them. Such emotional invalidation doesn't just sting in the moment - research shows it can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and depression over time.
The best response is to validate your own emotions instead of seeking validation from others. Simple but powerful phrases like "I feel how I feel" or "Let me decide how I feel" help reclaim your emotional autonomy. This approach shifts the dynamic from external validation to self-validation, empowering you to honor your emotional experience regardless of how others respond.
When you're the one tempted to dismiss someone else's feelings, recognize this tendency and instead acknowledge their experience with statements like: "I can see this is difficult for you" or "How can I support you?" This creates space for their emotions without judgment.
3. Chronic lateness shows disregard for your time
Someone who consistently arrives late demonstrates they don't value your time. This form of disrespect can be particularly challenging because those who run chronically late are often so focused on their own circumstances that they fail to recognize the impact on others. Their last-minute arrivals and lengthy explanations actually waste even more of your time.
If you're the one who's always late, reconsider this habit through the lens of respect rather than personal failing. When you do arrive late, avoid lengthy explanations that center your experience. Instead, simply say "Thank you for your patience" - acknowledging the grace extended to you while taking responsibility without excuses. This small shift places value on others' time rather than justifying your lateness.
For those dealing with chronically late people, clearly communicate how this behavior affects you. Explain that it feels disrespectful and signals that you're not a priority. Don't wait indefinitely - establish clear boundaries by proceeding with plans when someone doesn't arrive on time.
4. The silent treatment: withholding communication as punishment
The silent treatment represents emotional immaturity - it's what people do when they lack healthy communication skills. While most recognize obvious forms like ghosting, Robbins highlights a more subtle version: staying silent about what you need, then punishing others for not meeting unspoken expectations. This creates a toxic dynamic where you expect others to read your mind.
This pattern often plays out in relationships when someone says "it's fine" when asked if they mind something, then becomes upset later. By staying silent about true feelings but punishing others for not intuiting them, you create a confusing and disrespectful dynamic. This behavior reflects an inability to process emotions maturely or communicate needs clearly.
When facing someone using the silent treatment, recognize it as their limitation, not your failing. Protect your peace with boundaries - let them sulk while you maintain your emotional maturity. Remember that managing another person's emotions isn't your responsibility, and you deserve relationships with healthy, clear communication patterns.
5. Condescending behavior undermines your worth
Condescending behavior often appears in subtle ways, like when someone uses phrases such as "actually, that's a good idea" (implying surprise at your competence) or "I guess that's one way to do it" (suggesting better alternatives exist). These comments systematically chip away at your confidence by positioning the speaker as superior to you.
When you notice this pattern, call it out directly. A powerful response is to pause after a condescending remark and calmly ask, "Are you trying to be condescending?" or "Can you repeat that?" This creates accountability and often catches the person off-guard, as they rarely expect to be confronted. Most will backtrack immediately when their behavior is named.
The key insight is recognizing that condescension reveals more about the speaker than about you. It's their attempt to elevate themselves by diminishing others. By identifying this tactic, you maintain your dignity and refuse to internalize their attempts to position themselves above you.
6. Backhanded compliments are disguised criticism
A genuine compliment makes you feel good, while a backhanded compliment leaves you feeling confused or diminished. Comments like "You're really well-spoken" or "I wouldn't have expected that you're into yoga" contain subtle digs disguised as praise. Research from Harvard Business School reveals these remarks are attempts to boost the speaker's status at your expense.
When receiving a backhanded compliment, use silence as a power move. Let the awkwardness hang in the air for a moment. Then directly address the hidden criticism with questions like "What did you actually mean by that?" or "Are you trying to make me feel bad?" This forces transparency and accountability while demonstrating your self-respect.
People who use backhanded compliments are often trying to appear likable while still asserting dominance. The research shows this strategy backfires - it makes others perceive them as insincere and calculating. By calmly confronting these remarks, you protect your boundaries while revealing the true nature of their communication.
7. Respect begins with self-respect
The foundation for all responses to disrespect lies in your relationship with yourself. When you value your own time, feelings, and contributions, you naturally set healthier boundaries with others. This doesn't mean becoming confrontational, but rather developing clarity about what you will and won't tolerate in relationships.
Self-respect manifests in how you respond to disrespect. Instead of focusing on changing others' behavior, concentrate on your own responses. This might mean speaking up when someone talks over you, validating your own feelings when they're dismissed, or calling out condescending remarks. These actions demonstrate that you value yourself enough to address disrespect directly.
Developing self-respect is an ongoing practice. It means recognizing when disrespect occurs and deliberately choosing your response rather than reacting automatically. This approach empowers you to maintain your dignity regardless of how others behave.
8. Protect your peace through boundaries
Not every instance of disrespect requires confrontation. Sometimes, the wisest response is protecting your energy by disengaging. When faced with chronically disrespectful behavior, ask yourself whether addressing it is worth your emotional investment. As Robbins says, "You get to decide if this is worth your energy or not."
Creating boundaries doesn't mean passively accepting mistreatment. Rather, it means making a conscious choice about how you'll respond based on the situation and relationship. For instance, with the disrespectful airplane passenger Robbins describes, she chose to maintain her peace rather than escalate the situation, while showing extra kindness to the flight attendant receiving the brunt of the rudeness.
Establishing healthy boundaries requires practice and self-awareness. It involves recognizing when someone's behavior reflects their limitations rather than your worth. By focusing on what you can control - your own responses - you maintain your dignity without getting drawn into unnecessary conflict.
9. Rising disrespect reflects chronic stress
The noticeable increase in disrespectful behavior isn't imagined - it reflects broader societal stress. When people operate under chronic stress, their fight-or-flight responses remain activated, leading to impatience, irritability, and reduced capacity for emotional regulation. This creates an environment where disrespect becomes more common.
Understanding this context doesn't excuse disrespectful behavior but provides perspective that can help you respond more effectively. Recognizing when someone's rudeness stems from their overwhelm rather than your actions allows you to avoid taking it personally. This awareness creates space for compassion without requiring you to accept mistreatment.
The challenge lies in navigating this environment while maintaining your own standards for respectful interaction. By modeling mature communication even when others don't, you contribute to healthier dynamics. However, this doesn't mean tolerating repeated disrespect - it simply informs how you interpret and respond to difficult behaviors.
10. Effective responses require clear communication
Addressing disrespect effectively requires directness and clarity. When someone's behavior affects you negatively, communicate its impact without accusation or judgment. This approach demonstrates emotional maturity while creating accountability. For example, explaining to a chronically late partner: "When you're consistently late, it makes me feel disrespected and that my time isn't valued."
Clear communication also means expressing your needs proactively rather than expecting others to intuit them. This prevents the silent treatment cycle where unexpressed expectations lead to disappointment and resentment. By articulating what you need, you create opportunity for others to meet those needs while eliminating the frustration of unmet, unspoken expectations.
The most powerful communication combines honesty with respect - both for yourself and others. This balance allows you to address problematic behavior without escalating conflict. Remember that your goal isn't to control others' actions but to clearly express your boundaries and needs, then make decisions based on how others respond.