If You’re Feeling Uncertain & Anxious, You Need to Hear This ｜ Dr. Julie on The Mel Robbins Podcast

Here are the top 10 insights from Dr. Julie Smith on managing anxiety and uncertainty that will transform how you handle life's challenges.

1. You are never alone in your struggles

Mental health challenges are incredibly common. Dr. Julie illustrates this with a powerful visual using rice, where one in four grains represents someone experiencing mental health difficulties in any given year. This shows that even in a small group of people in your life, someone is likely facing similar challenges.

When you recognize that your struggles are part of normal human experience, you remove self-judgment. Understanding that emotional difficulties aren't unique to you helps put things in perspective. This knowledge prevents you from feeling abnormal or defective when facing tough emotions.

2. Be the predator, not the prey

When facing life's challenges, you can either be the prey (reactive, fearful, avoiding threats) or the predator (focused, goal-oriented, taking action). Dr. Julie describes how during her cancer diagnosis, she shifted from feeling like "prey" to becoming the "predator" by actively participating in her treatment and recovery.

This mindset shift doesn't eliminate fear but changes your relationship with it. Instead of letting fear paralyze you, you use it as fuel. The situation remains the same, but your approach transforms completely. You move from avoidance to purposeful action, giving you a sense of agency even in difficult circumstances.

3. Emotions are information, not problems

Emotions aren't flaws or weaknesses but important signals about your needs and environment. When experiencing difficult feelings, rather than judging yourself, approach them with curiosity. Ask what these emotions might be telling you about your current situation or needs.

Learning to regulate emotions doesn't mean eliminating negative feelings. It means developing the ability to process them productively. This skill helps you avoid being overwhelmed while still benefiting from the information emotions provide. When you view emotions as messengers rather than enemies, you can work with them instead of against them.

4. Control your spotlight of attention

Your attention works like a spotlight - you can direct it wherever you choose. When anxious in social situations, your focus typically turns inward (how you appear, what others think). By deliberately shifting your spotlight outward to others, you can reduce self-consciousness and anxiety.

This principle applies to other emotional states too. When your attention focuses too much on the past, you may experience depression. When it fixates on the future, anxiety often results. By consciously directing your spotlight to the present moment, you can significantly reduce both anxiety and depression.

5. Avoidance shrinks your life

Dr. Julie uses a rainbow analogy to show how avoiding anxiety-provoking situations gradually shrinks your life. Each time you avoid something due to fear, you remove another "stripe" from your rainbow, making your world smaller. This process happens so gradually you might not notice until your life has become severely limited.

The way to rebuild is through gradual exposure. Start by dipping your toe in slightly uncomfortable situations, then gradually expand. What you do regularly becomes your comfort zone. As you practice facing manageable challenges, your comfort zone naturally expands, bringing back pieces of your life that fear had taken away.

6. Your self-talk shapes your experience

The way you speak to yourself profoundly impacts your wellbeing. Dr. Julie asks us to imagine being locked in a room for a year with either a bully or a supportive friend. Your self-talk creates a similar environment inside your head that you can't escape from.

Instead of harsh self-criticism, develop a coaching mindset toward yourself. A good coach acknowledges mistakes but focuses on improvement and growth. They offer honest feedback with kindness and keep you moving forward. This approach doesn't ignore failures but addresses them constructively, allowing for genuine progress without unnecessary suffering.

7. Uncertainty is part of life

Life is inherently uncertain, and much distress comes from trying to control what can't be controlled. Dr. Julie suggests that rather than fighting against uncertainty, we need to develop tolerance for it. This doesn't mean passively accepting whatever happens, but acknowledging reality while still taking action.

When facing uncertain times, narrow your focus to just the next few steps ahead. This prevents overwhelm and keeps you moving forward. Living as if you have a future, even when things seem bleak, provides the motivation to take positive action. This approach honors both the uncertainty of life and your agency within it.

8. Identify and live by your values

When feeling lost or overwhelmed, clarify what matters most to you. Dr. Julie suggests dividing your life into categories (relationships, health, career, etc.) and writing what values are important in each area. Then rate both how important each value is and how well you're currently living it.

This exercise reveals where to focus your attention. If something rates high in importance but low in current alignment, that area needs attention. Making decisions based on values rather than comfort leads to a meaningful life. While following your values sometimes involves discomfort, it ultimately creates a life aligned with what truly matters to you.

9. Perfect healing before relationships is a myth

Social media often promotes the idea that you must completely heal yourself before entering relationships. Dr. Julie challenges this notion, pointing out that it's an unrealistic standard no one could meet. Relationships naturally involve struggles as two imperfect people navigate life together.

The strength of relationships often comes from working through difficulties together. When you've faced challenges as a couple and emerged stronger, it builds safety and trust. Perfect people don't exist, and waiting to be "healed" before pursuing relationships means missing out on the growth that happens within healthy relationships.

10. You have agency over your emotional experience

While you can't directly choose your emotions, you can influence them through your actions, environment, and thoughts. Understanding this gives you a sense of agency rather than feeling at the mercy of your feelings. This knowledge is empowering because it shows there are always steps you can take to improve your situation.

Taking control doesn't mean suppressing emotions but working with them productively. Simple changes in what you do, who you're with, how you move, and what you focus on can significantly impact how you feel. This understanding transforms you from a passive recipient of emotions to an active participant in shaping your emotional experience.