How to Create the Life You Want：Lessons From the #1 Happiness Researcher

Here are the top 10 key takeaways from Dr. Judith Joseph's happiness research that can transform how you approach well-being and joy in your everyday life.

1. Validation is the first pathway to happiness

Validation means acknowledging how you feel instead of ignoring or suppressing your emotions. Many people invalidate their feelings by being too busy or saying "I'm fine" when they're not. The research shows that simply recognizing your emotions reduces uncertainty and stress, opening the door to feeling differently.

This practice requires asking yourself honestly, "How do I feel?" This seemingly simple question can be challenging for many people who aren't accustomed to introspection. Dr. Joseph suggests different approaches based on individual learning styles - looking in a mirror and asking yourself, writing it down, or even using emotion charts for those who struggle to identify feelings. Some might express emotions through creative outlets like music or art.

2. Venting emotions releases inner pressure

Venting is expressing your emotions after acknowledging them. Like releasing steam from a pressure cooker, venting helps release emotional pressure. This could involve talking to a friend, therapist, or faith leader, writing in a journal, creating art, or even sharing on social media in a constructive way.

Dr. Joseph cautions that there are dos and don'ts to venting. Avoid venting in the heat of the moment or "trauma dumping" on others, especially those in unequal power dynamics who can't decline to listen. She recommends self-venting first through journaling or speaking aloud to yourself before approaching others. When involving others, check that they have the capacity to support you and maintain reciprocal relationships.

3. Values provide purpose and meaning

Understanding your true values - not what others tell you to value - creates a foundation for happiness. Authentic values give life purpose and meaning. Material pursuits often provide only shallow, temporary happiness, while deeper values like connection, helping others, faith, or creative expression create lasting fulfillment.

For those who struggle to identify their values, Dr. Joseph recommends reflecting on when you last felt "spiritually full and satisfied." Looking back at childhood experiences or considering who you'd most like to meet can provide clues to your core values. Once identified, incorporating these values into daily life can significantly increase happiness, even in small increments.

4. Vitals include physical health and relationships

Taking care of your body is essential for happiness. This includes proper nutrition (avoiding inflammatory foods), adequate sleep, regular movement, and limited screen time. Dr. Joseph emphasizes that we only have one body and must take responsibility for its care.

Importantly, the quality of our relationships is the most neglected vital factor that doctors rarely ask about. Research shows that relationships are the number one predictor of longevity and health outcomes. Human connection, including physical touch, is fundamental to wellbeing. Dr. Joseph notes that "skin starvation" during isolation can significantly impact mental health.

5. Vision involves planning future joy

The fifth pathway to happiness involves looking forward and planning for joy rather than simply reacting to life. This includes celebrating small wins (like getting your child to school on time) and deliberately scheduling activities that bring happiness into your calendar.

Dr. Joseph recommends creating a "happiness time capsule" containing physical representations of things you value and want to experience. This engages multiple senses and provides a concrete reminder of your happiness goals. For busy parents, she suggests color-coding joy in calendars to ensure it's prioritized alongside responsibilities. Without planned joy, people often feel stuck in the past.

6. Happiness is an accumulation of positive sensations

The research shows that happiness isn't a singular state but rather a collection of positive experiences and sensations. These include feeling connected when lonely, feeling fed when hungry, feeling rested when tired, and experiencing energy and wellbeing throughout daily life.

Dr. Joseph encourages thinking of happiness in terms of "points" that accumulate rather than as an elusive, permanent state. This reframing helps people recognize progress through small improvements - three points of joy today is three more than yesterday. Understanding happiness as achievable sensations makes it seem more attainable than viewing it as a distant, perfect state.

7. Women face unique happiness challenges

Women experience twice the rate of depression and anxiety as men due to biological, psychological, and social factors. Hormonal fluctuations during menstrual cycles, pregnancy, postpartum periods, and perimenopause create vulnerability windows that require acknowledgment and planning.

Socially, women often shoulder multiple responsibilities - caring for children and aging parents while working and maintaining households. They typically earn less while being expected to provide more emotional support to others. Psychologically, women experience higher rates of trauma and may be more prone to toxic relationships. Understanding these factors allows women to plan appropriate support during vulnerable periods.

8. Happiness requires customization based on individual needs

Different people require different approaches to happiness based on their unique "biopsychosocial" makeup. Some may need to focus primarily on biological factors (like managing an autoimmune condition), while others might need to prioritize psychological healing or improving their social environment.

The key is understanding that the 5 Vs (validation, venting, values, vitals, and vision) should be tailored to individual circumstances rather than applied uniformly. Dr. Joseph advises starting with just one V rather than attempting all five simultaneously, which can become overwhelming. Each person should identify which V needs the most immediate attention in their specific situation.

9. Material success doesn't guarantee happiness

Many people associate happiness with external achievements - the perfect job, relationship, house, or car. However, research consistently shows that these accomplishments don't create lasting happiness. Even after acquiring all these things, people often feel empty and continue seeking more.

Dr. Joseph shares from personal experience that despite having prestigious degrees, a marriage, children, and successful career, she still felt unfulfilled until she reconnected with helping others - her true value. This illustrates how external markers of success don't necessarily align with our authentic sources of joy. True happiness comes from alignment with personal values rather than societal definitions of achievement.

10. Happiness is contagious and creates positive social ripples

When individuals become happier by practicing the 5Vs, the effects extend beyond their personal wellbeing. Happy people interact differently with others, showing more compassion and understanding of others' circumstances and behaviors.

Dr. Joseph suggests that understanding our own biopsychosocial makeup helps us recognize that others' negative behaviors may stem from their struggles rather than bad intentions. This insight fosters empathy and patience in social interactions. The ripple effect of individual happiness practices can gradually improve relationships, communities, and potentially society at large.