How to Stop Negative Thoughts & Reset Your Mind for Positive Thinking

Here are the top 10 key takeaways from Dr. Ethan Kross's conversation with Mel Robbins about transforming negative self-talk into positive thinking and regaining control of your mind.

1. The inner voice serves multiple positive functions

Our inner voice is a remarkable tool that serves four key functions. It helps us remember things like phone numbers or grocery lists as part of our verbal working memory. It allows us to simulate and plan future scenarios, like rehearsing presentations or packing for trips. The inner voice also helps us control and motivate ourselves during challenging tasks.

Perhaps most importantly, our inner voice helps us make sense of our experiences and shape our sense of self. It enables us to create meaning from difficult situations and develop a coherent narrative about our lives. Rather than trying to silence this voice completely, the goal should be learning how to use it more effectively.

2. Negative self-talk manifests in three main forms

Negative self-talk typically appears in three primary forms. First is rumination, where we repeatedly go over past events we can't change, getting stuck in loops without making progress. Second is worry, where we obsess about future "what ifs" and potential negative outcomes. The third form is self-beratement, where we criticize ourselves harshly.

These patterns of negative self-talk can significantly impact our ability to think clearly and perform well. When caught in these thought loops, our attention becomes divided, making it difficult to focus on conversations, tasks, or even reading. This happens because chatter consumes our limited cognitive resources, leaving little available for other mental activities.

3. Distanced self-talk can transform your inner critic

Using your name and second-person pronouns like "you" when talking to yourself creates psychological distance from problems. This distance helps you access the same wisdom you'd offer to a friend. For example, saying "Ethan, you've got this" rather than "I've got this" puts you in a coaching mindset.

This technique, called distanced self-talk, works because the word "you" is typically used when referring to others. When applied to yourself, it activates the part of your brain that gives advice, making it harder to engage in harsh self-criticism. This simple language shift can transform your inner critic into a supportive coach and guide.

4. Mental time travel provides crucial perspective

Mental time travel involves asking how you'll feel about a current problem in the future - next week, next month, or years from now. This technique helps recognize that most emotional experiences are temporary, even when they feel overwhelming in the moment. By acknowledging that difficult feelings will eventually subside, you create hope.

You can also travel mentally to the past by recalling previous challenges you or others have overcome. This comparison can help put current problems in perspective and remind you of your capacity for resilience. Both forms of mental time travel help break the cycle of negative thinking by broadening your perspective beyond the immediate emotional experience.

5. Creating order in your environment reduces internal chaos

Organizing your physical environment can be a powerful tool for managing negative self-talk. When experiencing internal chaos, creating external order through cleaning, organizing, or making lists provides a sense of control that counterbalances feelings of helplessness. This explains why many people instinctively clean when stressed or anxious.

This technique works through what psychologists call "compensatory control." When lacking control over your thoughts or emotions, taking control of your surroundings compensates for this feeling. Simply tidying a desk, organizing a drawer, or creating a to-do list can provide immediate relief from overwhelming negative thoughts.

6. Expressive writing organizes jumbled thoughts

Writing about difficult experiences for 15-20 minutes can effectively reduce negative self-talk. This technique, called expressive writing, works by providing structure to the chaotic thoughts spinning in your mind. The process of organizing your thoughts into a coherent narrative with a beginning, middle, and end helps make sense of overwhelming emotions.

Research shows that expressive writing was one of the few individual tools that consistently reduced anxiety during the COVID-19 pandemic. Although it requires more effort than other techniques, which explains why it's often underutilized, journaling about deep thoughts and feelings can significantly diminish the power of negative self-talk.

7. Nature exposure and awe reduce self-focus

Spending time in natural settings, especially green spaces, can effectively reduce negative self-talk. Nature exposure works in part by restoring attention resources depleted by rumination. Simply taking a walk outside can shift focus away from internal worries to external sensory experiences.

Natural environments also often evoke awe, an emotion experienced when encountering something vast and indescribable. Feeling awe leads to a "shrinking of the self" that puts personal problems in perspective. When contemplating the vastness of the universe or the age of trees that have lived for centuries, individual concerns naturally feel smaller and more manageable.

8. Sensory experiences can quickly shift emotional states

Music, scents, and other sensory inputs can rapidly change emotional states with minimal effort. These sensory tools are often underutilized despite their effectiveness. Playing an uplifting song, using pleasant scents, or engaging other senses can immediately interrupt negative thought patterns.

This approach works because sensory experiences bypass cognitive processing and directly influence emotional states. Hotels use signature scents to create positive feelings, and we instinctively use perfumes and colognes for similar reasons. Having a playlist of mood-lifting songs ready can be a simple yet powerful tool for managing negative emotions.

9. Effective support requires both empathy and advice

When seeking help for negative self-talk, it's important to find "chatter advisors" who provide two key elements: emotional connection followed by perspective-broadening. Good supporters first listen, empathize, and validate feelings. Only after establishing this connection should they offer advice or alternative perspectives.

This two-step approach avoids common pitfalls in providing support: either endless emotional validation without problem-solving (co-rumination) or jumping straight to solutions without acknowledging feelings (dismissal). Creating a personal advisory board of people who excel at both steps ensures better support during difficult times. Importantly, these advisors may not always be those closest to you.

10. Invisible support helps others without triggering defensiveness

Offering unsolicited advice often backfires because it implies the person can't handle their own problems. Instead, "invisible support" helps others without highlighting their struggles. This might involve quietly handling tasks for someone who's overwhelmed, sharing helpful resources with a group rather than an individual, or offering appropriate physical comfort.

Invisible support works by reducing stress without threatening the person's sense of competence. Simple actions like ordering food for a team working under pressure, taking on household chores without mentioning it, or sharing useful information in a non-targeted way can significantly help someone struggling with negative self-talk. Even appropriate physical contact like a hug or fist bump can provide comfort without explicit acknowledgment of problems.