A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want | Jay Shetty

Here are the top 10 profound insights from Jay Shetty's conversation with Mel Robbins that will help you find purpose and build the life you truly want.

1. You're not stuck, you're grieving a past version of yourself

When we feel stuck, we're often holding onto something from our past that's preventing us from moving forward. This could be an identity, mindset, behavior, or attitude that no longer serves us. The key is identifying what you're clinging to and learning to release it.

What's keeping you back is usually what you're holding onto. For example, after a breakup or when kids leave home, you might surround yourself with memories that keep you living in the past. Rather than lacking direction, you're actually resisting letting go of who you once were.

2. Purpose is using your passion in service of others

Purpose comes from taking what brings you energy and joy (your passion) and using it to improve others' lives. It's not defined by scale or how many people you reach, but by the act of service itself. Purpose doesn't have to be your job or something grand - it can be found in small, meaningful actions.

Your purpose evolves throughout your life and isn't limited to one thing. The example of hospital cleaners who saw themselves as "healers" shows how reframing your work can create purpose. They understood that a clean hospital contributes to patient healing, giving profound meaning to their work.

3. Extract and learn from where you are now

Even if you hate your current situation, you can gain valuable skills for your future. The mindset shift is transforming a place of misery into a launch pad for your next chapter. Instead of wasting time dreading your circumstances, use that time to build skills and confidence.

This approach leverages your current position as a stepping stone rather than a prison. For instance, when Jay worked as a consultant, he acquired negotiation, communication, and presentation skills that proved invaluable later in his career. The key is focusing on what you can gain rather than what you dislike.

4. We find purpose through collecting and connecting experiences

Purpose emerges by collecting stories, skills, experiences, and ideas throughout life, then eventually connecting these dots. Rather than finding one perfect path, we're gathering jigsaw pieces that will someday form a complete picture. This counters the academic notion that we must choose one career path for life.

Society conditions us to define ourselves by a single title or role, but our superpower comes from the combination of our diverse experiences. The richness of who we are includes our past and present roles - we're not limited to one identity or skillset.

5. Take the first step without knowing the full path

You don't need to have your entire life mapped out to take the first step in a new direction. No successful person had every step of their journey meticulously planned in advance. What matters is having the courage to take that initial step and trust the process.

Jay shared how at each major life transition - becoming a monk, leaving the monastery, entering consulting, starting content creation - people questioned his decisions. Yet each step, though uncertain at the time, ultimately led him to where he needed to be. Progress comes from action, not perfect planning.

6. Weak people focus on others' weaknesses, strong people focus on strengths

How we respond to others reveals our own strength. Weak people notice others' mistakes and laugh; strong people notice and learn. Weak people envy those ahead of them; strong people study them. It's not about categorizing people as weak or strong, but recognizing where we place our focus.

The antidote to envy is study. When feeling jealous of someone's success, channel that energy into learning what it takes to achieve similar results. This transforms a potentially negative emotion into a catalyst for growth and appreciation.

7. We judge others by their actions but ourselves by our intentions

We often give ourselves grace when we make mistakes because we know our good intentions, but judge others harshly based solely on their actions. This double standard leads to misunderstandings and damaged relationships. The solution is learning to consider others' intentions before making judgments.

Hard conversations can strengthen relationships rather than damage them. If you're afraid to have difficult conversations with people you love, it may indicate the relationship isn't as close as you believe. True connection allows for honest communication, even when it's uncomfortable.

8. Love doesn't always return from those you give it to

Love operates in a circle - what you give will return, but not necessarily from the same people you gave it to. We often focus on why certain people don't reciprocate our love while overlooking those who consistently show up for us. The key is recognizing and appreciating all sources of love in your life.

People express love in different ways. Limiting how others can love you (expecting specific expressions) prevents you from receiving the full range of love they could offer. No one will ever love you exactly how you want because that expectation is impossible to fulfill.

9. Gratitude comes from imagining life without what you have

Rather than trying to feel grateful for what you possess, a more powerful practice is imagining how your life would be without it. This mental exercise instantly highlights the value of what you might take for granted - whether relationships, abilities, or circumstances.

This approach works for both small things (like a functioning body part) and major blessings (like having parents still alive). The key insight is that humans naturally notice things more when they're about to lose them, so leveraging this tendency can deepen appreciation.

10. When feeling lost, identify if life is currently a school, hospital, movie, or mountain

If life feels like a school, ask what you need to learn, as lessons will repeat until mastered. If it feels like a hospital, focus on what needs healing. If it's like a movie (when everything's going well), fully experience and appreciate the moment. If it's a mountain, identify what skills you need to climb higher.

Understanding which metaphor matches your current situation helps provide clarity and direction. Being stuck often means you haven't identified whether you need to learn, heal, experience, or climb. Once you recognize the pattern, you can respond appropriately to move forward.