This Conversation Will Change Your Life: Do This to Find Purpose & Meaning

Here are the top 10 key takeaways from Bryan Stevenson's conversation with Mel Robbins about finding purpose through justice, compassion, and getting proximate to those who need our help most.

1. We are all more than the worst thing we've ever done

This fundamental principle challenges society's tendency to define people by their mistakes or crimes. When someone lies, they aren't simply a liar, and when someone steals, they aren't just a thief. Even those who commit serious crimes like murder shouldn't be reduced to that single act. This perspective recognizes the full humanity in every person, acknowledging that we all have complex stories, circumstances, and potential for growth.

The criminal justice system often fails to embrace this concept, treating defendants as merely the crimes they've been accused of committing. This reductionist approach leads to injustice and prevents meaningful rehabilitation. We desperately want others to see us as more than our worst moments, which means we must extend that same grace to others. When we focus on the person rather than just the crime, conversations shift toward understanding context, circumstances, and possibilities for redemption.

2. Proximity is essential for understanding and compassion

Getting close to suffering and injustice allows us to hear and see things we would otherwise miss. Physical and emotional distance from problems enables judgment without understanding. True comprehension of complex human situations requires direct engagement with those who are struggling. This principle applies beyond criminal justice to leadership, parenting, teaching, and all meaningful relationships.

When we maintain distance from the world's problems, we shield ourselves from discomfort but also from opportunities to help and grow. Proximity demands courage to enter spaces where people are suffering and struggling. The act of getting close enough to hear someone's "song" - their story of hope despite circumstances - transforms both the helper and the helped. This closeness reveals shared humanity and common experiences that transcend apparent differences.

3. Hope is our superpower against injustice

Hope functions as an orientation of the spirit rather than simple optimism. It enables people to stand up when others say sit down, speak when others demand silence, and believe in possibilities others consider impossible. Václav Havel described this as a willingness to position yourself in hopeless places as a witness. This kind of hope sustains justice work through difficult periods and setbacks.

Hopelessness becomes the enemy of justice because it prevents action and change. Maintaining hope requires intentional cultivation through learning stories of resilient people who accomplished extraordinary things with limited resources. These historical examples provide strength and knowledge for current challenges. Hope must be given to others, which means those doing justice work cannot give what they don't possess themselves.

4. Stone catching prevents cycles of judgment and violence

Being a stone catcher means intercepting harsh judgment and violence directed at people who have fallen down. This practice helps both the target of the stones and the person throwing them. When we catch stones, we create opportunities for the stone-thrower to recover from their mistake of harsh judgment. This intervention breaks cycles of retribution and creates space for redemption.

Stone catching becomes a way of life that gets easier with practice. Each intercepted stone of judgment makes it easier to catch bigger ones later. This approach affirms the humanity and dignity of people whose worth is being questioned. It wraps protective arms around those who have become hopeless about their value. As recipients of stone catching ourselves, we feel compelled to offer the same protection to others we encounter.

5. The power of mercy transcends what others deserve

Mercy isn't dependent on whether someone shows appropriate remorse or regret for their actions. Instead, it depends on who we choose to be as human beings. True mercy extends grace even when we don't see the level of sorrow we might expect from someone who has caused harm. This approach doesn't mean avoiding accountability or allowing mistreatment, but it refuses to build walls between "us" and "them."

Wanting mercy when we make mistakes requires giving mercy when others make mistakes. This creates a world with less division and more understanding. Mercy becomes a way of moving through the world that tears down walls rather than building them. It recognizes our shared need for grace and second chances while still demanding respect and appropriate consequences for harmful actions.

6. Fear and anger lead to destructive decision-making

When policies and personal decisions are rooted in fear and anger, they consistently produce poor outcomes. The dramatic increase in incarceration from 300,000 to two million people resulted from fear-based responses to drug addiction rather than treating it as a health issue. Similar fear-driven thinking led to trying children as adults and implementing zero-tolerance policies that created pipelines from schools to prisons.

Better decision-making emerges when we resist being governed by fear and anger. These emotions blind us to the humanity of people we're supposed to care about, leading to destructive choices in parenting, relationships, and policy-making. Fear and anger prevent us from seeing nuanced solutions to complex problems. Justice requires moving beyond these reactive emotions toward more thoughtful, compassionate responses.

7. All children deserve to be treated as children

Society developed a dangerous false narrative that some children aren't really children, labeling vulnerable youth as "superpredators." This thinking justified trying eight and nine-year-olds as adults and placing them in adult facilities where they face sexual abuse and violence. True commitment to children isn't measured by how well we treat privileged kids, but by how we respond to poor, abused, neglected, and struggling children.

Children exist in constant states of change physically, emotionally, psychologically, and biologically. They aren't who they will become in a decade, which makes life sentences for young people particularly unjust. A trauma-informed response to troubled children could create healthier communities while helping kids avoid cycles of violence and crime. This approach recognizes that children who commit harmful acts are often responding to trauma and abuse they've experienced.

8. Learning enables hope and action

Learning about hope, resilience, and justice throughout history prepares us for contemporary challenges. Just as physical fitness requires training, developing hope requires studying stories of people who accomplished extraordinary things despite overwhelming obstacles. These historical examples provide strength, knowledge, and wisdom for current struggles. Learning functions as an action item that shapes our capacity for justice work.

Understanding the experiences of enslaved people, civil rights activists, and others who faced injustice with hope creates a foundation for current activism. These stories reveal that previous generations accomplished more with far fewer resources and opportunities. Their hope shapes our hope and provides models for perseverance through difficulty. This historical perspective makes seemingly impossible current challenges feel more manageable.

9. Truth-telling creates possibilities for redemption

Honest acknowledgment of historical injustices like slavery, lynching, and segregation doesn't aim to punish current generations but to create opportunities for healing and reconciliation. When people from different backgrounds come together to acknowledge painful truths, beautiful moments of connection and understanding become possible. The story of the Black woman and white man digging soil together at a lynching site demonstrates this transformative potential.

Refusing to confront historical truth denies us the beauty of justice and reconciliation. Memory serves as justice owed to those who suffered immense pain and injustice. Censoring or restricting knowledge of this history is not just dishonest but unjust. On the other side of truth-telling lies redemption, restoration, and reconciliation that can liberate us from the ongoing burden of unacknowledged history.

10. Personal transformation comes through serving others

The most profound personal growth occurs when we position ourselves close to condemned, hated, and disfavored people to witness the power of love creating beauty. Getting proximate to injustice and suffering provides gifts that can't be obtained through distance or academic study. These experiences reveal what being human truly means and teach essential lessons about justice.

Bryan Stevenson's transformation from uncertain law student to accomplished advocate began when he got close enough to hear a condemned man sing about "higher ground." This proximity changed everything about his career direction and life purpose. He credits his ability to help 140 people on death row not to being smart or hardworking, but to getting close enough to hear songs of hope being sung in the darkest places. These relationships provide immeasurable value and joy that makes the difficult work worthwhile.