The Monk That Will Change Your Future - 5 Ways We All Waste Our Life Away... | Haemin Sunim

Here are the top 10 key takeaways from Haemin Sunim's wisdom on finding happiness and peace in our busy modern lives.

1. The clash between personal desires and responsibilities

We often experience tension between what we want to do and what others expect us to do. Haemin Sunim calls this "me of me versus me of others" - our authentic desires versus external expectations. This creates internal conflict when our aspirations compete with our responsibilities.

This clash is a universal human experience, not just a modern phenomenon. Throughout history, people have struggled with balancing personal aspirations and family obligations. Finding harmony between these opposing forces is crucial for mental wellness and happiness.

2. The importance of acknowledging emotions

Instead of suppressing or ignoring difficult emotions, we should sit with them. When we acknowledge our emotions without judgment, they naturally transform and eventually dissipate. This process typically takes about 90 seconds for psychological emotions.

Our bodies don't lie about our emotional state. Even when we verbally deny feelings like anger, our bodies manifest tension in areas like shoulders, neck or stomach. By paying attention to these physical signals, we honor our emotions with care and love, which helps release tension naturally.

3. Body scanning as a mindfulness practice

A simple but powerful practice is body scanning - systematically moving attention through your body from head to toe, noticing sensations without judgment. This helps identify where you're holding tension or stress.

The key insight is that you don't need to consciously try to release tension. Simply observing and acknowledging what you feel allows natural transformation. This practice connects you to your body's wisdom, which often knows more than your conscious mind about your emotional state.

4. The true nature of happiness

True happiness isn't found in excitement or external achievements but in peace and contentment with what we have. Our default state is happiness, as evidenced by young children who naturally experience joy and presence.

Happiness emerges when we stop seeking it elsewhere and recognize it's already within us. The very act of constantly pursuing happiness elsewhere creates unhappiness. When we stop wanting more and feel grateful for what we have, we uncover our inherently peaceful, happy nature.

5. Gratitude as a pathway to happiness

Gratitude is another name for happiness. When we practice genuine appreciation for what we have rather than focusing on what we lack, we naturally experience joy. Even in difficult situations, finding small things to be grateful for can transform our experience.

Starting with simple gratitude for small blessings can create a positive momentum. Sunim suggests texting yourself or a "gratitude buddy" whenever you feel thankful for something. This practice creates a repository of positive experiences you can revisit during challenging times, and it attracts more opportunities for gratitude.

6. Small but certain happiness

Instead of waiting for major achievements to feel happy, we should identify and engage with reliable small pleasures. These "small but certain happinesses" might include morning coffee, sunshine on your face, or time with a pet.

Taking just 10 seconds to fully appreciate these everyday experiences can transform them into genuine moments of joy. The key is deliberate attention and presence. Even during busy mornings, taking a brief pause to genuinely appreciate your coffee can become a moment of happiness.

7. Appreciation versus ownership

True happiness comes from appreciating life rather than possessing things. Many sources of joy - like sunsets, music, laughter, or nature - can't be owned but can be deeply appreciated. Ownership is temporary, but appreciation is always available.

Even when we do own beautiful things, they bring little joy without appreciation. By shifting focus from possession to appreciation, we access countless sources of happiness that aren't dependent on what we have. This perspective recognizes our role as temporary caretakers rather than permanent owners.

8. Don't know mind and relationships

Approaching life with "don't know mind" - an attitude of openness, curiosity, and non-assumption - keeps relationships fresh. When we think we know everything about someone, we stop truly seeing them and start projecting our assumptions instead.

This concept applies beautifully to long-term relationships. Sunim suggests that another word for love is "don't know mind." When dating, we naturally bring curiosity, but over time we think we know everything about our partner. By intentionally approaching loved ones with beginner's mind, we discover them anew and deepen connection.

9. Don't ask what others have said about you

Focusing on others' opinions about us creates unnecessary suffering. Most people aren't thinking about us nearly as much as we imagine, and when they do, they're often projecting their own experiences onto us.

Instead of worrying about others' opinions, we should reconnect with our original intentions and values. Getting caught in cycles of seeking external validation distracts us from our purpose. By focusing on our own intentions to help others and live according to our values, we free ourselves from the prison of others' judgments.

10. Let go of what you cannot control

We waste enormous energy trying to control things beyond our influence, especially others' opinions. Recognizing the impossibility of controlling how others think about us liberates us from psychological stress and struggle.

The practice of releasing control doesn't mean giving up responsibility. Instead, it means focusing energy where it matters - on our own actions, intentions, and responses. By becoming our own validator rather than seeking external approval, we reclaim our power and peace of mind.